Thursday, September 26, 2013

Couples Myth and the real deal

Old Rule No 1: Never go to bed angry. Settle every conflict right away so that it does not turn into bigger fights.

New Rule: Sleep on it. Conflicts are best dealt with when you are calmed down and are well rested.

For happy co-existence,couple's settling their disagreement before the day's end is a popular belief. After all, the bible says,"do not let the sun go down on your wrath". Ideally we should be able to settle our differences before bed time. Yes, but it is easier said than done. Although, this is achievable but a lot of people don't solve problems well when angry. So the idea that people should speak about how they feel in the heat of an arguement/moment is one of the greatest poison to relationships. John Gotham,Ph.D says "often nothing gets resolved, the partners just get more and more furious" when people are overwhelmed by emotions like anger,they experience what psychologists call "flooding",a psychological response that leaves their heart pounding and concentration shot to say nothing of their ability to resolve arguement fairly.

Instead set out time maybe each week to evaluate the state of your union. Take time telling each other something about your marriage/relationship that you appreciated that week and then each of you can get to bring up one issue.

Old Rule No 2: Couples grow apart apart and fall out of love.

New Rule No 2: Marriage or basically any relationship works because the partner/spouse work hard on them.There is a claim that couples of divergent interest tend to go the way of separation faster than others with similar interests. But if you look closely at happy homes,you might be amazed at how little they have in common.She could be into creativity and he might be a huge sports fan. Yet they have discovered ways to be themselves and together at the same time. This implies that sometimes she might decide to knit in the sitting room to keep him company as he watches football. Experts say " shared interest or even similar interest or temperament are no assurance of any relationship longetivity ". A lot of people have worked their way through many disagreement, illnesses, financial problems or even an affair. They survive because they understand they are a team.

Old Rule No 3:  The home will become unbearable when children leave the nest.

New Rule : Marriage can flourish in the new freedom. Most people become lonely when their children are finally gone; moments when the house seem impossibly quiet and empty. Some couples enjoy themselves by finding ways to renew commitment to each other. With kids out of the house, marriage can bloom when there is a sense of shared purpose. Even though communion can sometimes get pushed aside in the daily round of raising a family and making a living, some couples may let that feeling of togetherness die. Then its not the kids leaving that makes it empty instead it just exposes it. But for others, its a time to reconnect again. Compile a list of what you and your spouse can do that you haven't done before; which maybe a vacation, or becoming involved in something voluntary. Celebrate and share in your common interest because you have succeeded in life by raising children together.

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