Few persons have had their fantasy come through just the way they thought, and when that perfect moment is ruined by a sad news its totally unforgettable. its much easier for friends to offer words of comfort when you lose a loved one but the fact still remains that you can’t give what you don’t have. I’m not an authority in counselling but I’m going to share my journey and survival of the expression ‘ grief ’ and I know someone out there needs this or probably a friend. Yes, I can share my experience because I have experienced the cure * winks*.
My mom wasn’t exactly my favourite cos she was too strict but I owe my strong faith, core values, sense of humour, hospitability et al to her. The last time we spoke she wanted me to come home from school and I declined, two days later she died *sad smiley* when I got the news my first impulse was to use the ladies( laughs). I cried so bad my eyebags wouldn’t let me see, plus the fact that I’m the eldest and people kept saying you’ve got to be strong for your dad and siblings. Then came the drama between both families( trust me you don’t need tears to survive that, doesn’t work) and finally the funeral , ooops it was over but I knew that was just the beginning.
A year after her death I still couldn’t believe it was real, it sounded too weird to be true, then I felt guilty for the times I refused to run errands for her, argued with her, didn’t say I love her and every little time I refused to show appreciation came slamming at my face, then I wondered why it had to be me, guess I was too young to be without a mother*yea know what you are thinking now*. I engaged in what the psychologist termed searching behaviour; I had search for her face in the market, around the house, and when am coming back from church I’d wish she was sitting outside the house waiting for my arrival or in the kitchen. Finally I accepted it was over and I must move on. One basic truth remains that I couldn’t have pulled through without the help of friends. It was a time of renewed life*shrugs* I was changed by the experience, it was more like I forged a new relationship with her, a relationship that transcends time and today when I look back I knew that was when I took a step towards healing
I’ve learnt that somehow disappointment will come, broken relationships, loss of health, a job, loved ones, natural disaster and betrayal of trust but if we accept that these situation are meant to make us stronger and better , coping becomes easy. Right after a loss, it can be hard to accept what has happened, this will be accompanied by profound sadness. The best thing is to grieve in your own way, as we all react to events differently, think about the wonderful times you spent together ( you can’t erase memories), know that it will get better, find something that will give you comfort ( for me it was the bible and music).
Remember just because you are trying to overcome grief does not mean you have to forget the person.
Finally I believe so much in occam’s razor which says the simplest explanation is always correct. The best consolation I got from a friend is this ‘ allow the holy spirit comfort you’ and I held onto it. yes it worked and it still works. So the best thing you can do when grieving is to allow the holy spirit comfort, but if you are not a Christian then it means only one thing REPENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
Its me favour, inspiring millions yes am healed and I love God. Today, I dare you to smile.