Saturday, October 5, 2013

Crazy Love

TED talks are my favorite anyday. Few days ago I listened to Leslie Morgan recounts her experience of domestic abuse plus october is domestic violence awareness month. When you encounter victims of domestic violence you can't help but ask why she choose to stay? At what point should you let go of an abusive relationship?

Domestic violence happens to everyone irrespective of the race, income, religion or social status. Domestic violence happens only in intimate, interdependent, long term relationship. In other words in the family;the last place we would expect violence,which is one reason it is very confusing. According to statistics 15 million children are abused every year, 85% of abusers are men and women between the ages of 16-24 are three times more likely to be domestic violence victims than women of other ages and over 500 of these women are killed every year by abusive partners.         

Why do women stay in relationships that are emotionally draining?  How come some don't even know there are abused? When love is involved the distinction becomes somewhat blurry...it becomes very easy to have faith ...but what if letting go is all the deliverance you need?Domestic violence has its pattern which includes;

1.Seduce and Charm the Victim.
   This can be done by creating the illusion that she's the dominant partner in the relationship ,idolizing her, creating a magical atmosphere of trust even if it means revealing his deepest secret.

2. Isolate the Victim
    You move to another apartment, he tells you to keep away from friends, dictate your movements, prevents you from going to work,  and in extreme cases might even cut you off completely from family.

3. Introduce the threat of violence and see how she reacts.
Leslie Morgan's husband had three guns. He kept one in the glove compartment of the car, another in his pocket, and the other under the pillow. Scary huh? Amazingly, she never knew she was abused. She thought she was a strong woman married to a deeply troubled man, hence was the only one that could help him face his demons#SMH#.

The truth is it is incredibly dangerous to leave an abuser because the final step in domestic violence battering 'is kill her. Over 70% of domestic violence murders happen after the victim has ended the relationship because then the  abuser has nothing left to lose. Other possible outcomes include long term stalking even after the abuser remarries, denial of financial resources and manipulation of the family court system to terrify the victim. 

Now what do you do when abused? Break the silence. Abuse thrives only in silence, shine a spotlight on it.Tell everyone, the police, friends, neighbors, and family. Seek help,keep a journal of events, build a support system ( get a therapist) ,realize that you deserve healthy, happy relationship,and lastly empower yourself with new skills,knowledge and creativity. Do not give up control over things you can do for yourself. Abuse could be affecting your daughter, sister, your best friend right now and you might call it CRAZY LOVE!!!

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