Friday, January 10, 2014

How to Really Lose a Guy in Ten Days

I know this brings back the memories of Kate Hudson and Matt Forever-Shirtless McConaughey. That was one movie I really loved but does it really take ten days to lose a lousy son of Adam? Let me present to you the best ways to accomplish this feat in 60 seconds.

1. EAT OLD-SCHOOL STYLE.
Eat with your mouth. Loud noises and grunts of enjoyment are all encouraged. Do not hesitate to
pick at that stubborn piece of meat stuck between your teeth with your fingers. Lick your lips after every bite. Gargle after every swallow.
Palm oil smears, etc, etc. You go, girl!!!

2. TELL LIES.
As in those bold-faced kind of lies. You see, men are so used to lying with stealth and crafty cunning that it completely unnerves them
to run into someoney who lies without tact.

3. TELL ALL.
You see, nothing intrigues us more than what we don'tknow. Why do you think we spend all ourtime taking things apart? Exercise
your right to free speech until you become extremely “un-mysterious” and boring.Does he really need to know what color your snot is when
you blow your nose? Yes, my friend, he does.

4. CRY.
Cry all the time. Cry even when there’s absolutely nothing to cry about. Just cry. Cry blood. This one
is very simple. There is just something about the tears of a woman that turns bodyguard
Samson to mai’guard Mukaila. Powerful stuff.

5. BE AVAILABLE.
The trick to being available is
to be there for him at every hour! He awakes you from a lusty dream at four in the morning, demanding breakfast to be  delivered to his
house which is fifteen miles away? You’ll be there. He needs his laundry done at six the next morning? You’ll be there. He needs you to wipe his ass after a particularly grueling battle with the toilet seat? You’ll be thereeeeee, won’t you? Stick to this and his “isn’t-she-so-sweet-selfless-and-
caring?” cliche. will be transformed to “but-really-what-kind-of-ode-is-this?” in no time.

6. KISS LIKE A WATERSPOUT.
Be a gushing fountain– be copious and overly generous in your offering of spittle. Deliver beyond your fair share. After all, the well
of saliva is always in abundance, it never runneth out.

Well, what if you have exhausted this very promising list of options? What if you have a Die- Hard Part XIII on your hands? You can choose to kiss and tell or cheat and flaunt.
I'm outta here.

Disclaimer; This article was written by kayode for favourmoyse blog and it a work of fantasy.We cannot
be held responsible for any adverse actions brought about by a faithful subscription to the ideals published in this article. Be wise

Tags; Favourmoyse,Kswaggs,BN,kate Hudson,Matt McConaughey.

Twitter handle :@dahliadona

15 comments:

  1. I won't really follow these rules though.. Nyc write up n really funny

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  2. Wow! This got my lips extended to the limits in a smile, then to a hearty laugh. But Favour please tell Kayode to let the 'kissing be left for married couples' you know what I mean? 'winks.'

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hahahahaha. This will surely work. Lol

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hahaha this is so hilarious.. You are one funny girl i swear..






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