A couple of weeks ago, I was having an online conversation with a friend about “the list”. You know, the list almost every teenage/young adult girl makes about things her future husband needs to be—tall, a tongue talking, demon chasing Christian, loves kids, financially stable , humorous, will take her out for ice cream etc. Two things i recall from my list is that future hubby should be
1. Incurably romantic
2. Goes after me with the right trappings in place. Lolz
So my friend asked if I would love to marry someone with those qualities, and if I thought it was a good idea. Hell No! I replied
Yep. I made it when I was fifteen, and guess what? It has been completely useless in my relationships and won't even be needed in marriage.
Are lists all bad? No, but they can have several not-so-great effects on future relationships, our future husbands, and on our own hearts.
If you have a list, you run a very large risk of turning down a great guy because he doesn’t meet 3/10 items on your list. If you’re basing your decision on very physical attributes, you’re focusing on the wrong things. Just because a guy doesn’t cook his family supper now doesn’t mean that he won’t learn and cook for you on occasion. People grow and change. You shouldn’t drop a guy because of something he hasn’t accomplished yet or because of a skill he hasn’t become great at.
REASON NO. 2 YOUR LIST ACTUALLY REPRESENTS YOUR OWN INSECURITIES.
If you’ve made a list, take a look at it. How many of those things are characteristics you wish you had, but don’t? I found that my list was actually a projection of what I saw lacking in my life. I had all these things I needed to fix in my own life and wanted them to be perfect in the guy I would marry.
While there isn’t anything wrong with wanting a guy to have strong character, we can come to a point where God is saying, “Hey, you need to deal with this,” and we instead turn it around and say “I need to find someone who has this figured out for the both of us.”
Go over your list and see if any of the things you’ve written down are things God is calling you to work out in your own life.
Lastly, it is unfair for you to want a man who is organized and disciplined where as you are not or for you to want a man that is neat and smell nice where as it's a problem for you to have your bath twice a day. Infact, you forbid cologne.
Ditch that list and be the kind of woman/man that you would love to marry.
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