Monday, December 30, 2013

Chopping Life

This is one of the most ridiculous, yet aptly but still somehow inappropriately used phases in the general lexicon of Nigerian colloquialisms.(winks)

Allow me to introduce my self. My name is Kayode Ogunwo. l am a lagosian,likes football,going to the cinema,likes to blow grammar and recently being accused of chopping life. So apparently I can add life chopper to the list.

"Chopping life"is a term used by one in a less privileged or at least more difficult condition in reference to someone who is in a better condition. And this is an instance where it is correctly used,in my opinion. Lagos,as we all know, is a city in which the "have-nots" are always in envy of the "haves"(as with any city)  and where the haves make sure to really rub it in the face of those who are left wanting. Lagos is also a city where those who have are still looking thirstily,or doing long- throat at those who have pass them. So for example yesterday I was at the palms and I saw one neat ferrari like this, the thing was looking correct.  I of course, being at least a 100 light years away from owning a ferrari had to stop and 'act bush' and snap picture and why not? The car dey sweet, although personally I wouldn't drive it in lagos.

Even though I classify myself as the have doing long throat for another have but for those of us who identify as christians we know we are not meant to covet another's property but at least we can whistle in admiration and then snap the occasional picture. So lets talk about when the term chopping life is used incorrectly.

Three days ago I posted a picture online of a nice plate of a suya I was about to enjoy with a friend, admittedly the thing looked so succulent plus the fact that the phone camera I used in snapping had a very powerful resolution. So this my friend was drooling and used the chopping life cliche. This was correct at that time cos I had suya and my friend didn't. But it is incorrect because this friend of mine is in the good old US of A. Yes oh,my friend da yankee, and so now I ask you all an important kesshun: between the two of us, who is really chopping life?!

My friend lives in America where there is constant light, convenience shops everywhere,and emergency numbers that don't rely on having signal or network. Over here we all know it is drastically different . Even for those of us who have gone to the abroad and back, we know that despite the 'phoneh' we were blasting at London Heathrow just hours before, we are coming back to enter the same trouser. So I ask again, which of us is chopping life?

If my enjoyment of suya is paining you so much, ehn go and find meat and put it on your grill and go and cut tomato and onion join the matter. At least you will be enjoying it with your mechanical cool breeze and fresh lemonade and your 600 channels on satellite television. At least you know that when your electricity bill comes and it says $60 for the month, you know that you can relax because boys here are paying the equivalent of $400 monthly for diesel. What I am saying,even on top that $60 you will still find mouth to complain that your bills are too high. My friend take time oh, before I go and apply for visa, wait 3 months for appointment and then come and give you slap.

Happy holidays everyone.

Tags; ogunwo olukayode,Life,favourmoyse

twitter handle @dahliadona

7 comments:

  1. Hahaha. The last part of d article killed me.

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