5 worst movies of all time.

1. The love Guru

The Love Guru' was one of the worst films to

ever be put out with a mix of brainless comedy that will put you right to sleep. I am sorry if you had to put yourself through 2 hours of this as I did

2. Cat Woman

This is the number one kitty litter movie you will waste your data to download,watch and waste two hours of life you will never get back. It

received a whopping 3.2/10 stars, no wonder.

3. Disaster Movie.

The name of this movie should give all the credentials away. Friedberg and Seltzer are responsible for the string of awful movie spoofs that will fill your mind with 90 minutes of nothing. Enjoy

4. Meet the Spartans.

The maker of 'Meet The Spartans' thought he would make a spoof of the movies "300" "transformers" and "Ghost Rider" make a pathetic excuse for a movie. Who is budgeting these?

5. Raise the Titanic

This film was so expensive that Hollywood says it would have been cheaper to lower the Atlantic. This movie had a big flop in the box office and was never really talked about after it's release.

Your comments are like butter to my bread.. Pleeeaaassssseeee don't starve me!!! Follow us on twiter HERE like our page on facebook HERE Share this post to your friends, families.enemies infact everyone. FMB loves you.

5 freaking things you can do with Coca-Cola.

Hair Curling.

Is it impossible for you to have curly hair? Open a can of cola out and leave it overnight, the next day pour it over your hair and rinse after a few minutes. Viola

How to remain poor.

1. Never wakeup early.

 Keep stretching and turning in bed until you get too hungry to continue dozing. If there are no bedbugs, why hurry to get up?

2. Never plan how to spend your money.

Whenever you get money, start spending it right away and when it is finished, try to count and recall how you spent it.

3. Don’t think of saving until you have real big money... How can you save when you earn so little? Those telling you to save are not sympathetic to your burning needs.

4. Don’t engage in activities usually reserved for the “uneducated.” How can you, a graduate, engage in petty trade or home-based production? That is for people who never went to school.

5. Don’t think of starting a business until an angel comes from heaven and gives you capital. How do they expect you to invest before you get millions of Naira or Dollars? Even though more than half the businesses in your town were started with a few hundred Naira, you, as a smart person, can only start with millions.

6. Complain about everything except your own attitude: Blame the system, the. government and the banks that refuse to lend you money. They are all bad and do not want you to get rich.

7. Spend more than you earn. To achieve this, buy consumer products on credit and keep borrowing from friends and employers.

8. Compete in dressing. Make sure you wear the latest clothes among all the workers in your office. Whenever your neighbor buys a new phone, get one that is more expensive.

9. Get yourself a nice second-hand (used) car that costs more than three times your gross monthly pay. That will surely keep you in debt long enough to hinder the implementation of any bad plans that could make you accumulate capital.

10. Give your children everything they ask for since you are such a loving parent. They should not struggle for anything because you do not want them to suffer. That way, they will grow up lazy and hence poor enough to ensure they

Cannot  help you in your old age.

Disclaimer; FMB will not be held responsible for any consequence involved in taking this post serious

Your comments are like butter to my bread.. Pleeeaaassssseeee don't starve me!!! Follow us on twiter HERE like our page on facebook HERE Share this post to your friends, families.enemies infact everyone. FMB loves you.

5 ways to grab my attention.

 So my birthday is less than three weeks from now and i'm soooo excited .Oh well this is just a lil bit of me.

here are 5 ways to grab my attention. 

1. Send me a cute message, email, postcard or letter. No one sends actual mail anymore.

2. Wink at me from across the room.

3. Massage my shoulders from behind without me knowing it.

4. Going out of your way to be kind and considerate of me.

5. Ask for my attention…I’m always looking for new friends!

Your comments are like butter to my bread.. Pleeeaaassssseeee don't starve me!!! Follow us on twiter HERE like our page on facebook HERE Share this post to your friends, families.enemies infact everyone. FMB loves you.

Women only.

“…I just want a God-fearing man…”

***Spoiler alert** this is not a sermon, sorry. For deep religious perspective, maybe I will do that in some other article.

***Safety alert** to the men reading this (but then I can’t understand why, I mean, just take a look at the title) …the wrath of some ladies is about to be incurred. You are strongly advised to proceed to place empty pot over head as detailed in diagram 1 of the included leaflet on precautionary measures, and to hold the pot cover in the fashion illustrated there.

—————–

After extensive and in-depth field research within its expected natural habitat, our scientists have made some salient findings concerning the “god-fearing man” (…well, the version of such a man most girls have in their minds, anyway)

It isn’t that he is scarce, or that you haven’t searched properly or prayed well enough. And it’s certainly not that he doesn’t like women, or that he is always in the church and does not want to be found. It is just one simple, constant fact.

The man does not exist.

Our scientists shall explain:

“…I just want a God-fearing man…” is all well and good for a woman to say, when that is what she actually wants. But then, she would also have to ask herself this question

“Would a God-fearing man want me?”

Now, back to our findings… Ladies, what some of you really want is a “god-fearing man” who can also eat you up expertly and slay you with the stamina of a horny pornstar juiced on sildenafil.

I don’t think the Holy Spirit inspires men that way… but I’ll ask next Sunday just to make sure.

Now, consider a scenario where a man is holding together his household as reasonably as this messed up economy of ours permits. He has his shit together and he does his family. responsibilities as he should. Every other thing is

fine except for one oft repeated statement

“…he doesn’t satisfy me sexually…”

—–

****Disclaimer** We have no personal experience in thecollation of that sort of data

Doro boss… Hmmm… Doro skillful… Ehen!

More importantly, our research fellows have heard it said on many different online fora by many other people, so they know of what they speak.

—–

But hold on. First of all consider that the man in question is in no way impotent, and that after the day’s exhaustion of doing his work diligently as a God-fearing man should; promptly, without avoiding it and without cutting corners, he still returns home early.

Note that here I said “home”, not mama Nkechi’s beer parlour that is just down the street and around the corner, close-by.

He returns home to give you some sweet-sweet loving as best a healthy man can, but his efforts – which should be seen as no way sloppy to someone without a gene for nymphomania – begin to fall flat to your expectations of

wild, tantric and acrobatic sex.

“…He doesn’t care enough to go down on me…”

****Personal advice** I think you should consider that at least he doesn’t care enough to go down on other women!

Now hold on. This is only for people who are married. I once saw a seventeen year old holding a placard saying something like “AIDS free generation… Without condoms, no sex… Be wise enough to condomise…” blah blah

That boy is supposed to be at home watching Naruto or gaming his playstation, not thinking about sex without condoms.

Now don’t get me wrong. It is very well known that at that age, youths’ brains are steeped in the soup of hormones and unrealistic ideas about love propagated by the media, trashy novels, and misguided friends.

As my Anambrarian friend would put it

“…Hormones ejero akwukwo. Ha amaro ife…” (hormones didn’t go to school, they don’t know anything).

What youths of that age need is a sense of purpose. Anything constructive that takes a huge chunk of their leisure time, be it extra reading to acheive higher grades at school and get more swag for that… or something as simple as beating a new game’s high score.

Not least of all, the ever important need for the guidance from their parents.

If all these are done, perhaps there would be fewer of the broken hearts reconcilable with prematurely broken hymens, and respite from porn, frequent masturbation and from embarassing erections that occur at random.

But I digress…

The results of our findings have led our team to believe that this is what most women who say “I just want a God- fearing man…” actually mean:

“…I just want a player whose attentions would remain solely with me…”

But that doesn’t even make sense, now does it?

The player, as opposed to the “God-fearing man” in its natural habitat, has in the course of his life acquired “a very special set of skills” which make him the player that he is.

He will look for you… He will find you… And he will *hold your hand* you.

He will *hold your hand* you, reeeeeal good.

Now, some women actually expect a player to forsake all his other missions and then focus solely on their own objective when they get married. But how can you reasonably expect him to eschew the characteristics that make him who he is, which was what endeared you to him in the first place?

Wait. Let me ask Ifa…

But if by any fat chance the player does change, and he’s no longer the swarthy, sex oozing demi-god you had grown to lust after, sorry… love, that is when anybody who cares to listen would begin to hear things like

“…We’ve simply lost our spark…”

In response to this, Socrates made this erudite comment in 659 BC

“Taa! …Spark, faya!” *mtscheww*

—–

****Caveat** As for unmarried adults who have full responsibility for themselves, it is our firm belief that preaching is a waste of time. Anyone who has an issue with that could always comment below. People who pay their own bills should be able to live their lives however they

wish. We shall speak more on that later…

—–

Our researchers also encountered a randomly occurring variable which came up enough times to make them consider factoring it in

“…You men are heartless…”

Says the recently dumped woman who against better judgement remained with said player specimen for his extensive narrow point immersion explorations, where after frequent occasions of passage, “narrow” has become highly debatable.

In all, from this research, our analysts have drawn the conclusion that women are the creators of the player specimen. It can be scientifically proven…

Now consider a body at rest, having negligible momentum to approach said woman mentioned in the above section because according to her:

“…You’re such a great guy. Every girl needs a guy like you… Smart, caring, intelligent. The girl who finds you will be so lucky…”

***Observation** You yourself, you don’t want to be lucky abi?

Now naturally, the guy’s mind would be something of the nature of

“…WTF?! …I’M A GUY LIKE ME..!”

This will soon become the past though; some identifiable time when he had thought that being a gentleman would get him the girl he had only the noblest of intentions for.

“You’re going after the wrong girl” someone might have told him. He wouldn’t listen.

Following the same pattern, after three or so similar speeches, girl after girl puts said guy on a long thing.

Guy swears revenge on all women.

Said guy blocks the next chic and sweet-talks her into a dark corner for “Aru aja” so fast that he wonders what he had been doing wrong all that time prior. He feels her clawing all over him, dragging him and licking his… erm… eyeballs… His eyeballs, yes.

****Comment** “Aru aja” could be connotatively said by my friends in the East to mean “the back to the wall”

It is not a noble art.

Now, the previously momentum-absent body feels all good inside. He feels a kind of power which had been to him up until that moment, only described.

A power that he never believed he could exploit because he believed he could never use it, or be a jerk to a woman simply for the fun of it.

Said guy leads same woman on a jolly ride until he has sucked enough life-juice from her and then decides to assign himself to a new mission… Which of course brings us to:

“…You men are heartless…”

Q.E.D

———

The next day’s morning paper headline would probably read like this:

HORROR!!!

WOMAN, (age), CHEWS OFF MAN’S …ERM… EYEBALL. YES, EYEBALL… REMANDED IN POLICE CUSTODY

WOMAN: “I love him…”

MAN: “Yeeeeh!”

RELATIVES: “It’s the work of the devil”

DEVIL: “…Na today?”

—-

***Conclusion**

So, my people… Enjoy your lives! Get drunk, smoke, orgy, conceive, abort, have a line of cocaine that’s as long as the River Niger…

“…It’s my life..!”

Steal, murder, kidnap, extort, propagate hateful agenda in the name of any religion you deem fit.

“…Who go fit stop us..?”

But in all this, just make sure you are ready to bear the full consequences of your actions ALONE, and not have a backup plan to come running to a purported foolishly all merciful, and easily deceived christian God when you realise that your life is upside down and that with your own hands you have been the sole architect of your doom.

“…The truth will set you free. But first it will make you miserable…”

What I am saying in essence is that there should be sincerity in all things, especially sincerity to oneself, gender irrespective. No matter how much we try to deceive ourselves, we all know what is right. Seek the truth, live the truth, be who you are and have no apologies for it. In your

journey through this life, you’re the only thing you can’t leave behind.

This article was published with permission from anakadrian

Your comments are like butter to my bread, don't starve me pleeeeaaaassssssseeee. like our page on facebook HERE follow us on twitter HERE. Biko share this post to your friends,families, enemies infact everybody. FMB loves you.

MY 1,600 WORDS OF TOTAL NONSENSE: THE PART TWO!

This is a sponsored submission from 360talkatives blog.

this is pointless

He did 1600 words and called it plain nonsense. But instead of forgetting those, he has just done another 1600, which is obviously more nonsense than the last. Duru Chimezie's Banter Without Doors last week was the bomb and got a lot of readership, and this week, he has just added a part two to his pile of absolute crap. You'd love this.

(You can read the Part One here)

Last week, I wasted a wee bit over 2 hours of my time, putting together a wee bit over sixteen hundred (1,600) words of total rubbish and refuse. Then, after posting it here, I got the best-ever readership for any Banter article I have written on 360talkatives. Apparently, many people wasted a wee bit of their precious time on the absolute nonsense. While that may seem blatantly stupid, I wasn't going to turn a corner either, and go and get you a fresh article which is a bit less stupid. Not really. Wouldn't do that. Instead, I have increased the dose or pile of debris in our multi-roomed shit-housery. I have brought with me a zillion number of refuse bins and we are going to enjoy a lot more rubbish than we did last week. I mean, I have already begun saying the nonsense since from when you started reading this, and we are only just commencing. So it wouldn't really be so much of an absolutely bad idea if you have been thinking of gently crossing your legs while I serve you plate after plate of this terribly muddled-up heap of complete gobbledygook!

Now, what's the point of Zuma? If you have already known who or what I am referring to, then you can happily agree (with glee) that you are a game freak. If you still don't, then you are not (without glee though). However, to continue sharing brotherly love from the be gone Xmas, I'd want to simply explain Zuma as 'that thing' people do with either their phone or PC, where they try to force 'those things' that look like pebbles to disappear from 'that thing' that looks like a path before they get to that 'that thing' that looks like a skull. I hope I got it accurately spot-on as I haven't loved it enough to try it firsthand. And each time you ask those guys who have tried it, the answer you get is that they are 'playing a game' (I bet EA Sports and Konami have been producing toy guns then). So I repeat my question, what's the point of Zuma? I mean, if you eventually get the pebbles to beat the skull, how does that make the world better or save anyone's miserable day? (*slaps face*). You will definitely feel happier of course and probably share a smile or two even if no one is in the room with you, but after that, what becomes? Some trophies? Some presidential handshakes? I mean, what's the total point of increasing your heart beat by 13 beats per second only for you to smile and say "yea, you thought you would beat me and I proved you all wrong" at the end, while feeling particularly smart and clever? And just by yourself and to yourself. That is a serious question I am asking here and wishing I could get answers. We shouldn't bother about the question all being pointless and moronic since we are actually having a field day with rubbish and trash after all. I wonder what exactly they think they are doing - I mean the guys who do Zuma. Oh...playing a game, I suppose. I remember I said that before! Pheew!

But a rather more appealing argument is the woman hair. Now, not like the woman's hair is nonsense. Of course not. Although a good number of them are. I mean, the hair-do and not necessarily the natural hair. In fact, woman hair isn't nonsense except it is nonsense when seen. That is, mostly nonsense if it is an hair-do that is nonsense. Altogether, pardon my seeming paradox, for I am trying my best to explain what's nonsense about the woman hair, albeit not exactly sounding like I am talking nonsense.

The woman hair it is. While it sounds like human hair, it is woman hair I am focused on. Not exactly angry with it. No. I am just finding it difficult not to group a certain style or form of hair-do of the woman hair as nonsense. Especially, when it appears to be interfering with a basic bodily function. For instance, function of sight. So, get my picture; you are a lady and you have two eyes which function even a little over normal (something in the neighborhood of 132% perfection). Then, what exactly explains having the choice to make your hair, in such a manner that it is going to wipe off one of your eyes? You tell the artiste (or whoever gets paid for wiping out one's eye with the hair) to move the hair from its rightful place and then find a way of wrapping it around one of your eyes. Now, that is nonsense. Unless you don't know what's nonsense. But then, it isn't nonsense because it wrapped your left eye into blindness. Nope, not that. It is nonsense because most times, the lady isn't going to agree to remain blind. So while she enjoys the likely adulations that will come from people (of blind-loving kind), she is seen to always fling her head spontaneously at every four seconds, left and right; just to temporary sway the hair away from her eyes in a bid to gain temporary sight. That is the nonsense. Why can't you remain blind if you loved it this much? Wouldn't get an answer obviously. Not even from the boys. And I wouldn't pity the boys either. After all, the adulations aforementioned, would heavily come from them in majority. However, isn't it easy to carve out a saying that will say - "the blind does not call the blind, blind, since he can't see if the other blind is blind"? And if it is easy like I would want to think, then the boys who dash the praise are likely blind too. Maybe over two eyes instead of the lady's one but obviously not covered by man hair. The group of nonsense isn't dispersing very soon. The non-blind would love the blind. That is less nonsense anyway.

Then still on the boys. Nonsense still wishes to graduate. I have several reasons to think rubbish, you know. From boys who make their ties so short that they can pass for a teaspoon to the ones who wear Denim jeans with Senator tops (now this is more nonsense than most roadside debris). There are many gibberish available on the streets of Onitsha, Lagos and Aba but I just have to patiently settle for one. Not like it is actually very necessary to add more nonsense. Not exactly. But nonsense is nonsense, you know. And when it exactly stinks, both analogically and literally, then it's worth a place on my Banter Without Doors. This very pile of nonsense has kept my head bemused and rather stranded for a difficult 7 years now. Senseless as it might be, it is even more senseless what the rubbish about it, is. Socks. That is what it is. Some call them stockings and even sockings. Pheeeew!! Whatever!!! But socks is/are the problem! Now you may establish my nonsense, wouldn't you?.

Putting an obviously ludicrous boy who wears Denims under Senator shirts aside, what can be more aimless than wearing tuxedos (suits if you like) and tie-shirts (and with ties) without socks? I liken it to collecting all the sewage from the toilets in a building or group of buildings with PVC pipes, but instead of disposing them into a septic tank, you decide to dispose them on the floor right inside the compound. Begging the question, why then dint you leave people to defecate right on the floor? Collecting the sewage was aimless. Same with the guy on a tuxedo and without any socks. Why then did you wear the tuxedo and a shoe?! For James' sake, put on some socks! For all the fashionistas have tried to do in convincing the Queen of England as well as the rest of us, that fashion can really change and change up to the point where socks wouldn't be necessary, I still cannot find any other way to react to persons on corporate without socks other than plain dissent. You look more like Eze's headmaster (from Eze Goes To School) than anything else. Even most headmasters appeared a lot better given they mostly had their carton-coloured socks albeit being more of football hoses than socks. Even at that, they looked really smart in their own way. Not having your socks on, when you should is simply disgusting and passes the feeling that you must be clueless in some way and in dire need of someone to put you out of your misery. I haven't said that there are not times when you shouldn't be without the socks, though. But that has never included when you have a shirt and a tie, let alone a jacket/coat over the outfit. *Clears throat* When nonsense graduates, we call rubbish trucks to party! Simply irks my goat.

My bin is full after all. It was really a scatter gun of all sorts of debris. From knackered tin containers that looked soaked in wet mud to all types of human clothing, with dismembered parts. We really had our field day. Or should I say we really allowed nonsense to have its field day (strange I haven't used the word 'nonsense' for over two lines now. Don't bother cross-checking though. Wasn't talking about that).  While we seem to be packing our bags of trash, honorable mentions must be made of some other tolerable craps like, 2go (can someone wake them up and remind them we are in 2015 and with phones like the Galaxy? They might have upgraded to android but looks largely like a thing for java phones), BBM for android (after all the craze for BBM for android, of which it never agreed to install on both my android phones, I have heard from friends that it has become a total waste of space) and finally The African Cup of Nations (I'd rather watch Indoor Snow Skating than sit for 90mins watching that. Is Nigeria really this important?). Anyways, thanks for wasting a good 15 minutes of your time with me. I guess I owe you the 15 minutes all the same. While I drag my debris bag along, don't forget to check me back again next week. It's going to be less nonsense, but nonetheless exciting. See you guys around!

You can read more articles like this from Duru Chimezie, on 360talkatives by clicking here.


P.S BANTER WITHOUT DOORS is a weekly post that comes up every Friday. Don't miss it for anything in the world

Your comments are like butter to my bread.. Pleeeaaassssseeee don't starve me!!! Follow us on twiter HERE like our page on facebook HERE Share this post to your friends, families.enemies infact everyone. FMB loves you.

5 things every married man should do around single ladies.

Now, married guys are not my thing. Nor are guys who are attached (in a relationship), engaged, or in love with someone else (even if they are not attached). I’m all about monogamy; guys who are involved with someone, be it

legally, physically, or emotionally would automatically be out of my consideration set. Not only would being with such guys be against my moral code, the fact that a guy can hit on me while being with another automatically eliminates him as someone I’d ever be interested in, because I’m looking for someone with strong values of honesty.Being hit on by married men got me thinking about marriages. While I have never thought about getting married (I think about life in  a sequential fashion, and I don’t see the

point of thinking about marriage when I’m not even with someone I love yet), I do think that marriage is an important milestone for many people.

But sometimes women can be really extreme same goes with men. Here are five tips for the married man.

1. Keep your ring on. There are very few exceptions for when that ring needs to be off, like when operating heavy machinery, swimming in shark-infested waters and the like. If you are

about to enter a situation that makes you look at your ring and consider if you need it on or not, leave! Run! Get away from there! Seriously, get out of that situation; your vows, marriage,

children and more depend on those important decisions.

2. Hang up pictures of your wife at work. A married man in this position would be wise to pick out a couple of great and fun photos of him and his wife and keep them displayed at his

office or place of work. Pick a time that was fun for two reasons: It will remind you why you love her so much, and it will make for a great conversation tool when others, especially women, ask about it. Update the image as needed to keep the people around you knowing your relationship is continuing to grow. Get that picture up this week and extinguish those flames.

3. Keep eye contact simple and short. Don’t read this the wrong way; I’m not saying to be rude. I’m saying to be careful where your eyes travel and how long they travel when you are in the presence of an attractive single woman. You know that once you engage in the first serious look, you have signed the dotted line for more eye trouble. Keep it short, keep it decisive, and move on. Get back to that image posted at your desk. Go!

4. Keep conversation general and professional.

If you work around single women, there is no question that conversation will come up. It’s up to you on how you decide to speak with her. You can choose to keep it short and general, you can

choose to keep it professional, or you can choose to keep it off of those and allow it go places it shouldn't. Be polite but very intentional in your conversations. If needed, again, always be ready to bring up something about your wife or family. Pull the pin, aim, and extinguish. Safety first.

5. Talk about your wife and family often. Did I mention anything about talking about your wife in conversation yet? I believe I did, but this last point brings the idea to a firm home.

The single women you engage with each day, if you have to, should be no match to your wife and family. Your family should be your first priority wherever you are and with whomever you encounter each day. Yes, each and every day.

Keep it short, keep it simple, and mention your beautiful wife. Now pat yourself on the back and keep it up.

Important note: No matter what you have done with your current relationships with single women, these steps can and should be started at anytime. Your wife’s feelings are and will

always be more important than the woman you need to take these steps with. Get on it!

Don't be selfish, share this post.

Tags: manturity.com, mydominioncity.com, 

Your comments are like butter to my bread.. Pleeeaaassssseeee don't starve me!!! Follow us on twiter HERE like our page on facebook HERE Share this post to your friends, families.enemies infact everyone. FMB loves you.

 BBM channel? C00207083

Photo credit : shutterstock

Sunday blues.

Your comments are like butter to my bread.. Pleeeaaassssseeee don't starve me!!! Follow us on twiter HERE like our page on facebook HERE Share this post to your friends, families.enemies infact everyone. FMB loves you.

Hello February.

Welcome to the second month of the year, the month of love and Election. I'm super excited because its my birth month. Yay!!! So y'all should get your gifts ready.

I know it is a blessed month and God is making all things work in our favour. So for all those still making excuses about your dreams, get your acts together. The year is still fresh. Tick tock says the time.

Welcome.

Your comments are like butter to my bread.. Pleeeaaassssseeee don't starve me!!! Follow us on twiter HERE like our page on facebook HERE Share this post to your friends, families.enemies infact everyone. FMB loves you.

I DON'T SPEAK HASHTAG.

I DON'T SPEAK HASHTAG

Nope... I don't.

*shakes head in affirmation*

Back in the day, things used to be simpler. Yahoo messenger was all a guy needed, and to the common man, "Apple" and "Blackberry" were merely fruits. Smart phones were for nerds and for those who could code in bare-bones C++, and hanging out with friends had little to do with google.

Photo of the week.