Favourmoyse Blog

Friday, February 20, 2015

PLEASE CAN WE STOP THESE MANY THINGS?

By Arc. Duru Chimezie

This is a sponsored submission from 360talkatives blog.

Out of a rather difficult schedule Banter Without Doors comes to you with a list of many things we should stop doing.

It is a very noisy afternoon here (it could be morning wherever you are though and of course less noisy) and I have my hands placed on my warm plastic keyboard. Hoping to type something, but yet to do so. Willing to produce an amazing banter like always but devoid of what exactly to type or where to begin even. Wouldn't know if the entire pressure from work, in this present week is really getting to me. In fact, I am at the reception of a hotel waiting for a project meeting of fellow architects, an engineer and a quantity surveyor to begin. Barely 30 minutes away from the meeting, the idea of choosing to use the little time between now and the meeting, to get this done, explains how tight my schedule has been lately.

Anyways, schedule or no schedule, I would do a Banter of the Week, wouldn't I? After all, you are never responsible for urging me to do weekly Banters, right? So I obviously placed the yoke on myself and just have to bear the cup alone, right? Well...wrong! But....I am going to do the banter even though I don't know what exactly to do. Or do I? Yea, I think I suddenly do. I mean, why can't we just talk about things we should stop doing? As in, there are over a billion things you do each day, which you shouldn't be doing. I am not referring to stuffs like, talking while eating, etc. Not exactly. Even though Banter Without Doors would really love you to stop talking while eating. But, I am actually referring to those things we do, which we never knew we shouldn't be doing. Now, let's get on the ride.

So the first thing on my list of what we need to stop doing is...making our android phones sound like Blackberries! I agree there has been a lot of envy and jealousy behind the use of android when actually you dreamt all your life to own a blackberry. I know that despite how superior android appears to blackberries currently (judging by market share, preference and coverage), some people still pride themselves in being associated with anything blackberry. But what's the point? What's the point of owning an android phone and then keep making us all think it's blackberry while still being android? Remain Blackberry if you love blackberry or remain android if you love android. Tying yourself up on some high prison fence wouldn't do any good. So can we just stop using blackberry tones and sound notes for our whatsapp messages, text messages, everything?!! In fact, can we just change the notification sound on our bb messenger (for android) to some other thing? Maybe a cat mew, or a goat bleat, in fact anything! Can we?

Conductors are another point here. I refer to conductors who 'conduct' passengers who board intra-state buses. Can we just stop something about them? I don't ever think there is anyone of us who does not always undervalue and if possible, affront the bus conductor. To us, he is possibly the cheapest man on the street. And probably, the most useless. The conductor to many, must be that tout at the motor park, who totally only deserves to be in a cell or prison. We easily equate them to having a huge tendency to cheat us when we pay our bus fares. We feel to pour insults and verbal garbage at them, simply because they are bus conductors. Now can we just remember that these guys are human, and are sons to mothers and fathers somewhere? Can we just stop feeling we are perpetually superior and good for something while they are good for nothings? Can we?

Bankers are on the fly. Getting into the bank gives you an initial feel of visiting the land of immortals. Everybody appears overly smart-looking and lost in their own world! Willing to ignore you for another costumer at any given moment and when they wish to advice you on what you need to do towards a problem, they make it sound like they are actually schooling a moron. But why? Ain't they your average guys and ladies who only just got decent paying jobs, anymore? What then warrants the need for that sense of immortality? Can bankers just attempt coming back to earth? Can they just stop being spirits? Can they?

A celebrity I assume, is anybody who has become so popular that he or she is endlessly celebrated. And then a model is a celebrity only after she becomes as popular and celebrated as a celebrity. However, for a model who comes so close to becoming a celebrity only for her to lose it at the end, what's the need for her to become fake? I want to believe that everybody does watch the TV. And that we all have seen beauty pageant contests with all the participating models being asked to get to the podium so that the eventual winner(s) can be announced right before them. Now what irks my goat, is what follows right after. You'd observe that as soon as the winner is announced, all the other participating contestants who are equally standing on the podium, begin to grin and smile. (what??????!!!!) So, how can?! You only just lost!! And goodness knows that you'd be really very heavy with tears within, and if possible, envy! But instead you pretend and smile to all of us, while the winner collects her crown and 'banner' (wouldn't know what else to call it). Please can you models stop the deception? Can you please begin showing us your real feelings when you lose? Can you?

Lastly, I thought about theft. Basically, laptop theft. After all, doing a banter each week wouldn't be possible if I didn't own laptops I could use. But then, what is the best measure for controlling laptop theft? I have heard so many suggestions like, not carrying it around at night, setting up a password or when possible, installing a tracker on it. While those suggestions sound quite good, they are only just short term remedies. However after comparing the frequency of theft in cases when the laptop owner is a male and cases when it is a female, I came down to a conclusion - handbags! Ladies who own laptops these days, carry them in big fat handbags. These handbags are so deep that they can take two or more of them yet appear like your average handbag. This had led to an increased safety of the female laptop. So...why can't everybody do same? I mean, can we the guys just stop using any other bags? Can we please begin using the handbag? Can we?

The questions have been rhetoric but hoping for a reply. I will find you guys next week!

You can read more articles like this from Duru Chimezie, on 360talkatives by clicking here.

Banter without doors is a sponsored article that comes up every fridays. Don't miss it for anything in the world.

Your comments are like butter to my bread.. Pleeeaaassssseeee don't starve me!!! Follow us on twiter HERE like our page on facebook HERE Share this post to your friends, families.enemies infact everyone. FMB loves you.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Ten things you should never say to a single lady.

Everyone is getting married except me and my friend. Though, we plan kidnapping an Arab Christian whose heart we would demand for a ransom. Few days ago, I bumped into a friend I haven't seen in eons. Imagine my shock after the whole exchange of pleasantries when he took my left hand and started examining it. My reply was " you loss something" then he asked "were's the ring?". Then I gave him the un-patronising and totally welcome look.

Its exhausting when people ask you questions about your relationship. I get palpitations followed by anxiety then probably laugh or frown or do whatever pops into my head at the moment. Single ladies should NEVER be asked these questions EVER!!! even on your death bed don't ( tongue in cheek).

1. "So how's the love life".

So simple and yet SO irritating. Trust me, when my life is full of the joys of a new man, I will be shouting it from the rooftops

2. "You are just too picky".

Well if picky is having resorted to being open to going on a date with pretty much every male in a 50 mile radius apart from my brother and my dad, then yeah. I guess I am.

3."Don't worry about it! It'll happen when you least expect it".

And when exactly?

4. "What happened to... what was his name"

Nice attempt.

We actually fell madly in love and got married, sorry you weren't invited. I am currently in my fifth month of pregnancy and picking out the good schools for little Bella. What do you think?

5. "You just need to start dating again".

Because men are like buses and if I date one, three will come along at once? While I appreciate the sentiment that I force myself on dates I don't want to be on in the hope that will somehow restore some secret trick I've been missing, I'll pass.

6. "At least you are saving some money"

Trust me, the money I am saving on romantic dinners and birthday presents I am spending in wine and internet subscription.

7. "I can totally be your wingwoman"

Ah, that's really nice that you are offering up your services to me. It makes me feel like a lame little lobster that is unable to find a mate for life on its own.

8. "Haha! I wish I was single again!"

When you laugh at my stories of yet another failed date or another weirdo I saw on instagram, that is a very definite sign you do NOT wish you were single again. But is a very definite sign that you are laughing at my misery. At least someone is.

9. There's plenty more fish in the sea.

What if I like the fish I used to have?

10. Just go on holiday on your own!"

SRSLY?

I said ten rite?

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

6 baby pictures that will leave your Jaw dropping.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

If I should have a daughter.

If I should have a daughter, instead of "Mom," she's gonna call me "Point B," because that way she knows that no matter what happens, at least she can always find her way to me. And I'm going to paint solar systems on the backs of her hands so she has to learn the entire universe before she can say, "Oh, I know that like the back of my hand."

And she's going to learn that this life will hit you hard in the face, wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach. But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the

taste of air. There is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by Band-Aids or analgesics.

So the first time she realizes that Wonder Woman isn't coming, I'll make sure she knows she doesn't have to wear the cape all by herself because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers, your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal.

Believe me, I've tried. "And, baby," I'll tell her, don't keep your nose up in the air like that. I know that trick; I've done it a million times. You're just smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back to a burning house, so you can

find the boy who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him. Or else find the boy who lit the fire in the first place, to see if you can change him." But I know she will anyway, so instead I'll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boots nearby, because there is no heartbreak that chocolate can't fix. Okay, there's a few heartbreaks that chocolate can't fix. But that's what the rain boots are for, because rain will wash away everything, if you let it. I want her to look at the world through the underside of a glass-bottom boat, to look through a microscope at the galaxies that exist on the pinpoint of a

human mind, because that's the way my mom taught me.

That there'll be days like this.

♫ There'll be days like this, my momma said. ♫ When you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises; when you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the very people you want to save are the ones standing on your cape; when your boots will fill with rain, and you'll be up to your knees in disappointment. And those are the very days you have all the more reason to say thank you. Because there's

nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it's sent away. You will put the wind in winsome, lose some.

You will put the star in starting over, and over. And no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute, be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life. And yes, on a scale from one to over-trusting, I am pretty damn naive. But I want her to know that this world

is made out of sugar. It can crumble so easily, but don't be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it. "Baby," I'll tell her, "remember, your momma is a worrier, and your poppa is a warrior, and you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more." Remember that

good things come in threes and so do bad things. And always apologize when you've done something wrong, but don't you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining. Your voice is small, but don't ever stop singing. And when they finally hand you heartache, when

they slip war and hatred under your door and offer you handouts on street-corners of cynicism and defeat, you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother.

Tags; Sarah Kay, Tedx, FMB,wonder woman,chocolate.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

For when you seek life's purpose

For we worshipped at the altar of curiousity

and we bled in the battle fields of questioning.

We had gained the answers which we thought we sought,

and we believed ourselves the wiser.

Our young minds had been eager for the knowledge,

but ripe for its consequences they were not.

We read a variety of musings,

we mused on diverse ideologies.

We learned more than we knew what to do with;

And in the face of this, our resolve to live crumbled.

Veterans of depression did we become,

we that thought of abstract things too early in life.

Slowly, then as hollow shells did we remain undone

Failing to see a point to all of its strife

Many are we that have danced this macabre dance,

that have swayed to the weird tunes of its minstrel.

As the reward for our travails we acquired this:

the assurance of being sure of nothing.

Weak then as we were, we began to lose hope

In everything that was.

We covered up our despair with smiles and nonchalance.

We pursued our various escapisms.

Many are we who have trudged this lonely path,

Who have sailed these hapless straits.

Before we go on I should say that an assumption made in this article is that anyone reading it has come to terms with the fact that bad things happen in life. People cheat and steal. Murders occur. Betrayals are common place. The world will be the world.

It is also to be said that here is not where we ponder the phantasmic concept called World Peace. According to Christian lore there was war even in heaven: a place that was home to beings of perfect thought. How much more an earth which is filled to every nook and corner with imperfect and impressionable men.

----

Seeking purpose is overrated.

"Been there, done that..."

"There is little that can surprise or entice any more..."

"What's the point? We're all going to die anyway..."

Have you ever had cause to think in the lines of the above? Have you ever had a nagging feeling of emptiness, world weariness, or lack of purpose? You might have, or you might not. Either way, be assured that you are not alone. It is of some comfort to a man for him to realise that his afflication is not as rare as he might have feared.

This piece is not going to be flowery; I'll just try to say it as it is. Let's leave the overly philosophical thought to the scholars.

Now, let us imagine this: that when a baby is born and left to its own devices, it does no more than what is its first instinct to do, which is to survive and thrive.

The baby does this without scruples; taking what it wants how it wants it, whenever it can. It's a blissful state of lack of conscience.

All of a sudden, the baby; that bundle of cuteness whose eyes radiate innocence and wonder, whose head is full of love and face is full of milk, whose bottom smells of freshly applied powder and whose toothless gummy smiles do not fail to melt your heart, begins to grow up.

Based on its surroundings, it begins to develop a set of beliefs.

Based on its beliefs, it develops a set of values.

Based on those values it fashions out a persona

***I will safely assume we all understand that I mean "sorroundings" to be everything from the baby's personal experiences, to people who have an influence on it, down to any form of instruction that it receives, whether educational or religious, self taught or mentored. Cool? Cool***

Along with the formation of a persona comes the worst thing imaginable to ruin the bliss of the child's naive state. It's impressionable mind is influenced by an all too familiar thing.

Ego

The child develops an ego...

***Okay, here i'm supposed to do some psychoanalytic pantsing... Where I then talk about the link between the mind's conscious and external states... or start rapping about the sense of importance which an individual derives from its own being in relation to others, and in relation to some other components within itself, comprising the id and the superego... but guys abeg, no time. Una fit google am***

Among other things, given the present realities, your ego makes you believe that you have to fashion out your profoundly great and unique purpose. It makes you believe that you're something special, or that you're irreplaceable, or that you're the next best thing since purewater.

***I would have said 'since sliced bread', but let's be real here... Which would you rather prefer to have on a hot afternoon?***

It is always a good thing if a person has a healthy balance of common sense to go with their ego, where he knows that the statement "you can be anything you want to be" does not translate to "you can be good at everything at once"

The above exhortation simply means that, having seen the many things achievable that obtain, you have to choose what it is you want to be good at and then strive for perfection in what you've chosen.

Even the gods are each ascribed particular endeavours which they have become the very personification of, due to their perfection in them. I'd like to see Shango attempt to speak to Ogun about the best process for smelting iron. I'd like to see Ares hold a spear to Bacchus in the precise evaluation of the specific breed of a pinot noir.

That being said, the plain truth is that the purpose of life is simply to live it.

There is no "ultimate destiny" which you actively and consciously have to search for or find. Life will bring it to you!

Your every day spent living will reveal your purpose to you. You don't have to go looking for some profound or esoteric ideal. It will all come to smack you in the face.

My "Bumbaclaat!" friend will call it inspiration.

"...Airea man! Ganjahweed for we... Bonfire, bonfire, ablaze!"

***watches as he fires up some crisp leaves wrapped in rizla and takes a puff***

*cough* *cough* ...High grade

The circumstances you experience in life will shape you. The many hardships that you undergo as well. Everything will work out how it was supposed to ab initio, preparing you for that purpose which is yours. The only thing that behoves of you is to keep yourself available to receive this purpose in line with the tenets of your beliefs.

This is where it gets tricky; because you have to guide what it is you choose to believe in.

I have less hope for people who are unresolved in their pursuit of enlightenment than I do for those who are solidly on one side of the divide of good or evil. A being that is waxed strong on the side of evil in full awareness already knows what is coming for it and has accepted its fate. It revels in the choice it has made... it revels in it; down to the ignominous, sticky end.

But is there such a thing as being who is not of perfect thought being "too far gone" or "irredeemable"? I don't think so.

The thing is that change is a scary concept for most. We often prefer the familiar, what we are used to, our comfort zones which in the real sense may not actually be comfortable.

Most times, what people need is a strong reason to make right choices. Proper enlightenment fosters proper intention, and proper action is then made towards that intention... But the world, being the pleasant lady that she is, hardly ever gives reason for a person to do good, basically as a result of the intrinsic selfish human state. However, a wise person knows not to wait for a reason to do good. They just get up and do it.

Which leads me to muse that there is no such thing as "free" will.

I'm not very sure that a slave being able to choose the colour of the koboko with which he is to be flogged makes him any happier when he is lashed, but I'll consider that idea under advisement. You should know that your choices have consequences, good or bad, and that doing questionable things solely because you want to prove that you have the power do them, borders on stupidity.

In fact, its just a slight notch below the phenomenon of PHCN's annoying naira-sucking prepaid meter that brings light at its whim and caprice.

But I digress...

Okay let me back up a little, before some of my religious brethren berate me as concerns the ultimate purpose of eternal life.

If eternal life is what you believe in, then you should predispose yourself to achieve it by being true to the corrrect teachings of your faith, not some selfishly interpreted or intolerant propaganda.

I'm not an atheist, but I'm not overly religious. I can say I'm spiritual. There is a God, and he is a damn brilliant chap. He is up there, sitting down with popcorn and watching all of us in HD.

We are all actors, we all have our scripts, some of us just don't know it yet.

But its a strange kind of movie we're acting... Funnier than Nollywood has been or will ever be. It is a kind of movie where we can decide not to act our God-given script but instead write, tweak, and then act out a script of our own.

And yes, the actors still get paid for their acts. God the executive producer... He's just cool like that.

"...It's my life, I make my own decisions..." one might say. Well, whatever makes you happy. Which leads me to ask: Can you change a person who does not want to change? The answer is no.

Hell no, if I might add

Begs, threats, bribes... Nope. They are all lost on such an individual.

You could give them advice, if they would take it. But note that here I said advice, not a sermon. Giving advice is about a far cry apart from giving a sermon as the sky is far above land and sea.

With regards to people giving them to adults, I despise sermons. As a matter of fact I believe that they are a waste of time.

I must say that I do envy the zeal of some who go about trying to convince people who already know about God, Jesus, the Bible and the whole works... expecting them to spontaneously forsake all the extremely addictive, wholly consuming and borderline destructive pleasures that they derive from their hedonistic pursuits which they are by no means willing to stop. Actually, the best you can do is pray.

Or of course you could become a divinely self-appointed hammer of God, and then use force to make the people tow.

That brings to mind our brothers at Benson and Hedges, north wing (BH) who have a fetish for watching things explode. At least, they're "enforcing the ideals" (Their own warped idea of said ideals, anyway)

Judgement Day is going to be funny.

***in confused voice*** "Ahn Ahn? Where the virgins dey nah?"

However, if the person the sermon is intended for has no idea about the existence of a supreme God and his laws for the orderly conduct of mankind (in other words, if the person cannot count properly without using fingers as a placeholder and perhaps still sucks his thumb) then that is another matter.

So, fellas. Let's break here

**pops open a can of malt and sips** **engulfed in frothy perpetual belching** *gasps for breath*

The summary of it is that life is to be lived. Aptly or unshrewdly, it is still to be lived.

The code of positive values that you live by... remain true to them! If you sincerely do the things you do, you ought not to seek the approval of the masses, and least of all their encouragement. Seeking to please everyone with how you live your life is indeed a most efficient way to dig your own grave.

Or if you wish, remain true to negative values. Whatever floats your boat. It's a "free" world.

Disciplined people have always lasted the test of time, no matter how the world and its creatures both pleasant and vile seek to dissuade or ridicule them. With this knowledge, and with the guidance of the celestial powers that be, with any luck you will not be so much set about seeking for a purpose, as much as you would be about actually living one

This post was written by anakadrian

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Confessions of a V-day loser

l have never received a heart shaped gift ever. In my 24 years on this planet I have never ever had a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. Like, never ever.

I have never had a giant teddy bear with my name at my doorstep. Never received a hand written card so cute it makes everyone else wanna vom. Never gotten to eat an entire box of chocolates (that I haven’t paid for myself. Of

course I regularly eat boxes of chocolates, let’s be real here.)

Anyway, the point is, if you’re going to feel pity for someone on February 14, it’d probably be me as I’m the ultimate Valentine’s Day Loser.

At least I think that’s how I’m supposed to feel being single on the one day of the year that is all about publicly declaring love for your Soulmate

But the truth is, I’m quite OK with it. Maybe I finally figured out that your relationship status does not define who you are. It does not make you a better person. It does not make you prettier, smarter or funnier. And just ‘cos you’re single on V-Day, it most certainly does not mean you’ll die in your apartment all alone, the neighbours

discovering your body mauled by rats and roaches #so gross# which is what I used to think

Having had 24 years to get used to the idea, I can now get through the day with my self-esteem firmly in tact. If this is your first V-Day single, or if you’re wondering how you’re going to deal with riding solo, this is my advice to you…

Firstly, it’s totally normal to feel a bit crap. Everyone wants to find love and this day just serves like a punch-in-the-face reminder that you haven’t. But this is not the day to drink too much red wine and start sending cringe-y texts to THAT person.

Secondly, I learnt a very long time ago that there are three words guaranteed to get you in a pink bubble. So you must promise me now you will never, not under ANY circumstances think them, utter them or believe them.

They are, “I’m all alone!!!”

Closely followed by, “Nobody loves me!!!”

Both of these phrases are lies. Pure, evil lies. Ok, so it’s true that there might not be a blue toothbrush next to your pink one, but you are not “all alone”, and there are, in fact, LOTS of

people who love you. Unless you’re a racist bigot in which case, I can’t help you.

Thirdly, you must use social media with caution or you risk “IF I SEE ANOTHER FREAKING INSTAGRAM WITH THE HASHTAG #MYBOOWUVSME I’M GONNA FREAKING LOSE MY SANITY YOU SLOBS #rage#.

While it genuinely makes me happy to see my friends all loved up 363 days of the year, I learnt that when feeling emotionally vulnerable, it’s best to avoid Instagram and Facebook on the 14th AND the 15th of February – give a day for feeds to clear of the nauseating one-dessert-two-spoons pictures.

And finally, the best way to spend Valentine’s Day is some quality time with the one person you should love more than anyone else in this world – you! Plan to do something that makes you insanely happy.

This year, I’m thinking it will involve one or all of the following: pancakes, sweet potato fries,

cookies and cream icecream, my two best single friends, wine, laughs, and absolutely NO tears.

But look, if all that fails, just get up, shower, go to work and then do your usual saturday night thing… In other words, stick to your routine because it is just another day, after all.

Friday, February 13, 2015

24 WORDS FROM 2015 ELECTIONS, AND MY RIDICULOUS MEANINGS FROM THEM.

By Arc. Duru Chimezie

This is a sponsored submission from 360talkatives blog.

To DURU CHIMEZIE, a Political Party Logo is "any household items and furniture like brooms, umbrella, sofa, center-table, rug, etc". Here are the other 23 meanings he has given words and items from the 2015 elections. You'd really enjoy this.

Last week, we were adequately drunk with good ‘nonsenseness’ even though it was really fun, judging by the Whatsapp and text messages I got from readers (still wondering if placing comments on a blog is some sort of poisoned chalice, though). However, this week, I have chosen to feel that we could be a little bit saner and aware of what’s going on around us (being nonsense is equivalent to sitting in a lonely room and covering yourself up in four thick blankets and not knowing where you are). We can now address our immediate problems and make good noise about more useful things. Thus, I came up with this title. But I am grateful to my readers, for taking the time to read the two submissions after all.

So it’s election year (you must be living under a rock if you are only getting to know that now), and we have already been burnt to the marrow by the electioneering and politicking. The campaigns have been intense and people like myself have barely survived ear-drum damage arising from all manner of campaign jingles and slogans. Our ears are actually very full now. But how about the vocabulary we are served day in, day out? (Did I just say served? They are actually rather shoved into our mouths). I easily felt it could make for good reading. So after sitting down and doing some compiling, here are the most popular words I got to hear in this year’s election period. I also did you guys a favour by doing my best to add their meanings to them albeit some being rather….well, pointless. Here we go, still:

2015 ELECTION WORDS AND THEIR (RATHER SENSELESS) MEANINGS.

By Banter Without Doors

1. Asari Dokubo: (verb),

The act of threatening to war everybody if you lost in a cause.

(Application): “He asari-dokuboed us when he heard he might have failed the exam”

2. Chibuike Amaechi: (verb),

The act of being rewarded with the position of Campaign Chairman when you fail to secure that of the running mate.

(Application): “He promised to chibuike-amaechi me if I could support his trip to Qatar”

3. Okupe: (verb),

The act of lying for no reason.

(Application): “I know Douglas enough. He simply okupes even when not necessary”

4. FeBUHARI: (noun),

A new month of the calendar year.

(Application): “I wish to apply for the screening exam on the 41^st day of Febuhari. That will make my trip a lot more possible”

5. Boko Haram: (noun),

Any reason that can be given for postponing an election.

(Application): “Can we create a ‘boko haram’ situation? Because I don't see this elections holding.”

6. Election-Postponement: (verb),

The act of fighting Boko Haram in six-weeks.

(Application): “Reports say that the Ghanaian president and their military have an election-postponement plan to fight ISIS in Ghana?”

7. Party Logo: (noun),

Any household items and furniture like brooms, umbrella, sofa, center-table, rug, etc

(Application): “Please Michael, get the party logo and sweep this room for me. I am sleepy.”

8. Bigot: (noun),

Any presidential candidate who is a Christian and goes to church more often during the elections or any candidate who is a Northerner and attends meetings with Northern leaders during the elections.

(Application): “Since he has failed to swap from being a Christian to a Muslim, he is a religious bigot”

9. Campaign: (verb),

The act of washing your opponents dirty-linen in public, while calling them clueless and old.

(Application): “He campaigned me just because I am 80 years old”

10. INEC Chairman: (noun),

Any person, animal, place, thing, or object that you can blame once you lose an election.

(Application): “Plateau state was a bad INEC Chairman, we would have won if they had voted for us.”

11. Machinery: (noun)

A human-machine whose sole life-purpose is to rig elections.

(Application): “I will be hiring a new machinery for the coming elections. I have already bought and stored enough diesel”

12. Political Structure: (noun)

A very huge machine made up of human beings and with the task of helping the government in power to get back to power.

(Application): “He said the governor intends to take his political structure to a mechanical engineer for maintenance service”

13. Propaganda: (noun)

Anything bad but true that is being said about your candidate or party by your opponents.

(Application): “Even though N2000 is missing under my office, it is simple propaganda when they tell the public”

14. PVC: (noun)

INEC’s most favourite English word.

(Application): “We will try to make the PVC’s available before the PVC deadline so that the PVC machines can accept the PVCs from voters with their PVCs”

15. Old: (noun)

Anybody in the opposition you don’t like but see as a threat.

(Application): “He is more popular than me. But he is too old to win me”

16: Endorsement: (verb)

What you tell any politician you hope to gain material benefits from in future, once they visit you for support.

(Application): “I am going to endorse you for governorship. But always remember that I have interests in oil fields”

17: Political Party: (noun)

Any group of people that will willingly allow themselves to be fooled by you so as to have you in power.

(Application): “It's a pity you just have barely 80 million left in your account and cannot continue the campaign. Anyways what if I give you my last card, which is 3 million? Will you continue? 'Cos I really want you to win”

18: Political Party 2: (noun)

Any gathering of 6 to 8 people, hopping around with poorly-printed flyers and hoping to secure some funds from INEC.

(Application): “Can we form a political party? I need funds for a new car”

19: Presidential Candidate: (noun)

Anybody who is contesting for the Presidency but is less popular than his/her Local Government Chairman.

(Application): “I was trying to introduce Mr. Ojo, the presidential candidate, to residents of his street. Just 2 out the 12 of them knew he lived in the street”

20. Corruption: (verb),

The act of not stealing.

(Application): “Our Pastor corruptions money”

21: Election Campaign Trail: (verb)

The act of roller-coasting through the 36 states and the FCT - picking up 271 traditional chieftaincy titles in the process.

(Application): “We will election-campaign-trail before the end of March as I think I need a new set of traditional titles ”

22: Campaign Promise: (noun)

That big fat blue lie you tell us of which we know is a big fat lie but yet still cheer and hail you in a big fat way.

(Application): “He told us he will buy every Nigerian a car. I simply loved how he used his campaign promise. I will vote for him”

23: Party Decamping: (verb)

The act of simply cancelling your name behind your class exercise book and writing that of your enemies over it.

(Application): “I cannot party-decamp anymore - my exercise books are finished”

24: Twitter: (noun)

An electronic Nigerian Elections Tribunal.

(Application): “The governor's victory is questionable since they gave him victory on twitter even before the elections”

These were the 24 I could actually muster, now can you guys increase the list? The word, the meaning and the application of the word. I will be waiting to receive them here.

All the same, hope you enjoyed the ones I compiled? I drop my pen now. See you guys next week!

You can read more articles like this from Duru Chimezie, on 360talkatives by clicking here.

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Thursday, February 12, 2015

say the word

A single true word,

Could make a bond,

A single genuine smile,

Could take friendship a mile;

Think someone is good?

Are they truthful and firm?

Know you'll lift their mood,

If you go ahead and tell them.

The abused child is in need,

For nothing really in the world,

Just the words that tell him,

That he is wanted and loved;

To that person from the slum,

That you thanked for what he's done,

His delight no one can mar,

Now he's made you his star.

Hurt can drive one crazy,

Fill with pain and worry

But aint no healing so amazing,

As the simple words "I'm sorry"

Now these little expressions,

Could count for worthy appreciation,

Interested in striking a chord?

All you need do,say the word.

Nosakhare Favour Osayuwamen.