Thursday, February 19, 2015

Ten things you should never say to a single lady.




Everyone is getting married except me and my friend. Though, we plan kidnapping an Arab Christian whose heart we would demand for a ransom. Few days ago, I bumped into a friend I haven't seen in eons. Imagine my shock after the whole exchange of pleasantries when he took my left hand and started examining it. My reply was " you loss something" then he asked "were's the ring?". Then I gave him the un-patronising and totally welcome look.

Its exhausting when people ask you questions about your relationship. I get palpitations followed by anxiety then probably laugh or frown or do whatever pops into my head at the moment. Single ladies should NEVER be asked these questions EVER!!! even on your death bed don't ( tongue in cheek).

1. "So how's the love life".
So simple and yet SO irritating. Trust me, when my life is full of the joys of a new man, I will be shouting it from the rooftops

2. "You are just too picky".
Well if picky is having resorted to being open to going on a date with pretty much every male in a 50 mile radius apart from my brother and my dad, then yeah. I guess I am.

3."Don't worry about it! It'll happen when you least expect it".
And when exactly?

4. "What happened to... what was his name"
Nice attempt.
We actually fell madly in love and got married, sorry you weren't invited. I am currently in my fifth month of pregnancy and picking out the good schools for little Bella. What do you think?

5. "You just need to start dating again".
Because men are like buses and if I date one, three will come along at once? While I appreciate the sentiment that I force myself on dates I don't want to be on in the hope that will somehow restore some secret trick I've been missing, I'll pass.

6. "At least you are saving some money"
Trust me, the money I am saving on romantic dinners and birthday presents I am spending in wine and  internet  subscription.

7. "I can totally be your wingwoman"
Ah, that's really nice that you are offering up your services to me. It makes me feel like a lame little lobster that is unable to find a mate for life on its own.

8. "Haha! I wish I was single again!"
When you laugh at my stories of yet another failed date or another weirdo I saw on instagram, that is a very definite sign you do NOT wish you were single again. But is a very definite sign that you are laughing at my misery. At least someone is.

9. There's plenty more fish in the sea.
What if I like the fish I used to have?

10. Just go on holiday on your own!"
SRSLY?

I said ten rite?



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7 comments:

  1. Lol! "you really need to start dating again" sure pisses you off, don't it?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yea.. I reli need to.. I tink its pisses everyone one off too. We jus try to be nyc about it

    ReplyDelete
  3. like seriously...those are those question that irritates...do you think it Is time to move on?...Move yo where nawww...Congo or Tokyo? Get the visa and plane tickets and I will wave you good bye!!!...Nice one love....keep it up

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hahahahahahahah... Kayode!!! You reali got. Me rotl thanks jare.

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