Phonebook.

YOU ARE NO BIGGER THAN YOUR PHONEBOOK SUGGESTS

By Arc. Duru Chimezie

This is a sponsored submission from 360talkatives blog.

If you were told that you are just as small or big as your phone, what would be your reaction? Well, that's what BANTER WITHOUT DOORS is all about this week. Duru Chimezie says, a bigger phonebook is a bigger you. Find out how.

A greater percentage of people own phones now more than it was so during the early 90’s and 80’s. Back then, telephoning was a treasured gold and about the size of an entire neighborhood where usually subscribed to a single NITEL telephone owned by an obvious Good Samaritan. Now don’t ask me what happens when a resident gets a call on the Good Samaritan’s telephone. Almost usually, a crowd a tad less than two football teams, would likely come rushing through one door, to see and hear while the said owner of the call, picks and speaks into the receiver. Pure Shakespearean drama!

We have come several miles from there, haven’t we? We are now hugely civilized people (pun intended) and have come to think mobile phones to be mere toys (another pun intended) for grown-up babies. Boys and girls, alike. We have come to think mobile phones to be an equivalent to our wrist watches, belts or even earrings for the ladies. It is something we seem not to do without but yet persuade the world to think that we are certainly big enough to do without it. In fact, big enough to get as many of it as we wish, at any given time. How that is meant to make the world shudder at our seeming riches and glory, beats me silly. After all, it is only a mobile phone, and would likely remain that way.

The irony of the mobile phone isn’t the mobile phone. The irony of the mobile phone is the phonebook on the mobile phone. We are happy to make the world believe that we are much greater and more important than the mobile phone but yet it is the same mobile phone that actually does tell the world if you are really bigger than a phone or not. It is the same mobile phone that does tell us everybody’s true worth; no matter the level of theatrics we introduce into our effort to convince the world otherwise. You are actually, no bigger than your phonebook suggests. Not at all! The key to how much respect we are bound (now take note of this one), to afford you hangs unto the neck of your phonebook like some hangman’s rope!

So what exactly is the phonebook’s business with defining one’s profile?! It’s simple. The content of the phonebook. I might want to introduce a ‘new’ saying that would likely go this way : “show me your phonebook and I will tell you who you are”. Now sorry for having to do some plagiarism from the old original ‘show me your friend’ saying. It was really vital I did mine to support my claims here. Nonetheless, I can pip myself and say that I do think you have a clearer understanding of where I am going. For all the likely boasting and ‘mouth-making’ (I can’t help but think of someone weaving a mouth with wool when I hear this word) we can actually get from someone, I am only likely going to shiver if I knew the content of your phonebook was fiercely more destructive than mine. And in all sense.

Now, come to compare two phonebooks where in one case, the first contact or so saved on Phonebook ‘A’ is actually ‘Account Balance’ while on ‘B’ it is ‘Acting Deputy Controller’. They are both ‘A’ ain’t they? But of course, all ‘As’ are not equal. Now that is our first fact! If the owner of phonebook B were to say everything about how he was going to crush me into powder and likely do some little David by spraying me (a non-goliath though) into the air and hoping for some flying birds to chew me, of course I would humbly accept the threat and retreat into my shell. Reason being that he has an A-contact who isn’t ‘Account balance’ by name but rather ‘Acting Deputy Controller’. But if the same threat were to come from the A-guy, goodness knows that I would begin executing the said threat on him before he was ever finished with his statements. It is that simple.

A phonebook of very great names (more pun) like (and with no disrespect), ‘Fatima-Okirika’, ‘Sam Carpenter’, ‘Bola Film shop’, ‘Sola-fish’, ‘Sola Coldstore’, ‘David tiles’, ‘Chukwuka Yam man’, ‘Perculiar Weaveon’, ‘Sandra Saloon’, ‘Mike-Barber boy’, ‘Tosin Tailor’ and ‘Hamza Fowl seller’ will and can never be compared with one with mean names like, ‘Brigadier Sani’, ‘CEO Dolphin Motors’, ‘Professor James’, ‘Engr. Martins’, ‘Dr. Saliu’, ‘MD. Fin Insurance’, ‘Gen. Micheal’ and ‘Bar. Collins’. Reason being that the later easily describes the owner as someone of such high standings when compared to the other. Of course, nobody is asking anybody not to save contacts of carpenters and mechanics if they were going to make their living any better; not really. All I am saying is that, before anyone begins to shout into our ears about who he is, what he is capable of doing and how all the governors and senators were his brothers and friends, can he/she first of all go through his phonebook? For that is actually were everybody’s true value lies. The higher the profile of people on your phonebook, the higher your stock. I drop my pen here!

You can read more articles like this from Duru Chimezie, on 360talkatives by clicking here.

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