Friday, February 20, 2015


By Arc. Duru Chimezie

This is a sponsored submission from 360talkatives blog.

Out of a rather difficult schedule Banter Without Doors comes to you with a list of many things we should stop doing.

It is a very noisy afternoon here (it could be morning wherever you are though and of course less noisy) and I have my hands placed on my warm plastic keyboard. Hoping to type something, but yet to do so. Willing to produce an amazing banter like always but devoid of what exactly to type or where to begin even. Wouldn't know if the entire pressure from work, in this present week is really getting to me. In fact, I am at the reception of a hotel waiting for a project meeting of fellow architects, an engineer and a quantity surveyor to begin. Barely 30 minutes away from the meeting, the idea of choosing to use the little time between now and the meeting, to get this done, explains how tight my schedule has been lately.

Anyways, schedule or no schedule, I would do a Banter of the Week, wouldn't I? After all, you are never responsible for urging me to do weekly Banters, right? So I obviously placed the yoke on myself and just have to bear the cup alone, right? Well...wrong! But....I am going to do the banter even though I don't know what exactly to do. Or do I? Yea, I think I suddenly do. I mean, why can't we just talk about things we should stop doing? As in, there are over a billion things you do each day, which you shouldn't be doing. I am not referring to stuffs like, talking while eating, etc. Not exactly. Even though Banter Without Doors would really love you to stop talking while eating. But, I am actually referring to those things we do, which we never knew we shouldn't be doing. Now, let's get on the ride.

So the first thing on my list of what we need to stop doing is...making our android phones sound like Blackberries! I agree there has been a lot of envy and jealousy behind the use of android when actually you dreamt all your life to own a blackberry. I know that despite how superior android appears to blackberries currently (judging by market share, preference and coverage), some people still pride themselves in being associated with anything blackberry. But what's the point? What's the point of owning an android phone and then keep making us all think it's blackberry while still being android? Remain Blackberry if you love blackberry or remain android if you love android. Tying yourself up on some high prison fence wouldn't do any good. So can we just stop using blackberry tones and sound notes for our whatsapp messages, text messages, everything?!! In fact, can we just change the notification sound on our bb messenger (for android) to some other thing? Maybe a cat mew, or a goat bleat, in fact anything! Can we?

Conductors are another point here. I refer to conductors who 'conduct' passengers who board intra-state buses. Can we just stop something about them? I don't ever think there is anyone of us who does not always undervalue and if possible, affront the bus conductor. To us, he is possibly the cheapest man on the street. And probably, the most useless. The conductor to many, must be that tout at the motor park, who totally only deserves to be in a cell or prison. We easily equate them to having a huge tendency to cheat us when we pay our bus fares. We feel to pour insults and verbal garbage at them, simply because they are bus conductors. Now can we just remember that these guys are human, and are sons to mothers and fathers somewhere? Can we just stop feeling we are perpetually superior and good for something while they are good for nothings? Can we?

Bankers are on the fly. Getting into the bank gives you an initial feel of visiting the land of immortals. Everybody appears overly smart-looking and lost in their own world! Willing to ignore you for another costumer at any given moment and when they wish to advice you on what you need to do towards a problem, they make it sound like they are actually schooling a moron. But why? Ain't they your average guys and ladies who only just got decent paying jobs, anymore? What then warrants the need for that sense of immortality? Can bankers just attempt coming back to earth? Can they just stop being spirits? Can they?

A celebrity I assume, is anybody who has become so popular that he or she is endlessly celebrated. And then a model is a celebrity only after she becomes as popular and celebrated as a celebrity. However, for a model who comes so close to becoming a celebrity only for her to lose it at the end, what's the need for her to become fake? I want to believe that everybody does watch the TV. And that we all have seen beauty pageant contests with all the participating models being asked to get to the podium so that the eventual winner(s) can be announced right before them. Now what irks my goat, is what follows right after. You'd observe that as soon as the winner is announced, all the other participating contestants who are equally standing on the podium, begin to grin and smile. (what??????!!!!) So, how can?! You only just lost!! And goodness knows that you'd be really very heavy with tears within, and if possible, envy! But instead you pretend and smile to all of us, while the winner collects her crown and 'banner' (wouldn't know what else to call it). Please can you models stop the deception? Can you please begin showing us your real feelings when you lose? Can you?

Lastly, I thought about theft. Basically, laptop theft. After all, doing a banter each week wouldn't be possible if I didn't own laptops I could use. But then, what is the best measure for controlling laptop theft? I have heard so many suggestions like, not carrying it around at night, setting up a password or when possible, installing a tracker on it. While those suggestions sound quite good, they are only just short term remedies. However after comparing the frequency of theft in cases when the laptop owner is a male and cases when it is a female, I came down to a conclusion - handbags! Ladies who own laptops these days, carry them in big fat handbags. These handbags are so deep that they can take two or more of them yet appear like your average handbag. This had led to an increased safety of the female laptop. So...why can't everybody do same? I mean, can we the guys just stop using any other bags? Can we please begin using the handbag? Can we?

The questions have been rhetoric but hoping for a reply. I will find you guys next week!

You can read more articles like this from Duru Chimezie, on 360talkatives by clicking here.

Banter without doors is a sponsored article that comes up every fridays. Don't miss it for anything in the world.

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