Think Thanks

Gratitude is the sign of noble souls. A lack of gratitude is often at the root of a variety of the ills that plaque relationships.When couples never show appreciation for one another, the embers of their love are soon extinguished. When a boss is unthankful,the employees start to resent both him and their job. On the flip side, nothing can buoy up our relationships quite like gratitude. A warm word of appreciation can instantly thaw the ice between people.

We often assume that people either get thanks from other people or that they just somehow know how grateful we are for what they do. We are usually wrong on both counts. Gratitude shows we're paying attention to the acts of service people perform for us and that we truly understand how those acts make our life better, easier and happier.

The grateful man is a humble man. He has no illusions, he knows that bad things happen to good people.  He knows how easily a rally can turn into a slump. He knows how much worse off many others are than he is. He understands the sacrifice others make on his behalf. And deeply appreciates them.

How often do we thank our wives for taking care of those little errands we forgot to do? When was the last time we thanked our co-workers for helping us get a project ready? Think about people you should have thanked but missed your chance with or those you really  didn't thank enough.

These thank you can be done in person, on a post-it note, by letter, by email,by phone,whatever. Just put some into it and get going.

See you in 2014

twitter handle ;@dahliadona

Chopping Life

This is one of the most ridiculous, yet aptly but still somehow inappropriately used phases in the general lexicon of Nigerian colloquialisms.(winks)

Allow me to introduce my self. My name is Kayode Ogunwo. l am a lagosian,likes football,going to the cinema,likes to blow grammar and recently being accused of chopping life. So apparently I can add life chopper to the list.

"Chopping life"is a term used by one in a less privileged or at least more difficult condition in reference to someone who is in a better condition. And this is an instance where it is correctly used,in my opinion. Lagos,as we all know, is a city in which the "have-nots" are always in envy of the "haves"(as with any city)  and where the haves make sure to really rub it in the face of those who are left wanting. Lagos is also a city where those who have are still looking thirstily,or doing long- throat at those who have pass them. So for example yesterday I was at the palms and I saw one neat ferrari like this, the thing was looking correct.  I of course, being at least a 100 light years away from owning a ferrari had to stop and 'act bush' and snap picture and why not? The car dey sweet, although personally I wouldn't drive it in lagos.

Even though I classify myself as the have doing long throat for another have but for those of us who identify as christians we know we are not meant to covet another's property but at least we can whistle in admiration and then snap the occasional picture. So lets talk about when the term chopping life is used incorrectly.

Three days ago I posted a picture online of a nice plate of a suya I was about to enjoy with a friend, admittedly the thing looked so succulent plus the fact that the phone camera I used in snapping had a very powerful resolution. So this my friend was drooling and used the chopping life cliche. This was correct at that time cos I had suya and my friend didn't. But it is incorrect because this friend of mine is in the good old US of A. Yes oh,my friend da yankee, and so now I ask you all an important kesshun: between the two of us, who is really chopping life?!

My friend lives in America where there is constant light, convenience shops everywhere,and emergency numbers that don't rely on having signal or network. Over here we all know it is drastically different . Even for those of us who have gone to the abroad and back, we know that despite the 'phoneh' we were blasting at London Heathrow just hours before, we are coming back to enter the same trouser. So I ask again, which of us is chopping life?

If my enjoyment of suya is paining you so much, ehn go and find meat and put it on your grill and go and cut tomato and onion join the matter. At least you will be enjoying it with your mechanical cool breeze and fresh lemonade and your 600 channels on satellite television. At least you know that when your electricity bill comes and it says $60 for the month, you know that you can relax because boys here are paying the equivalent of $400 monthly for diesel. What I am saying,even on top that $60 you will still find mouth to complain that your bills are too high. My friend take time oh, before I go and apply for visa, wait 3 months for appointment and then come and give you slap.

Happy holidays everyone.

Tags; ogunwo olukayode,Life,favourmoyse

twitter handle @dahliadona

My Experience With Weed

I just couldn't stop laughing I had to share this story with you. Had a memory lane talk with one of my friends and he shared this experience with me.Enjoy

I had just moved out of my parents house and was sharing a room with my" friend''. I had no idea he smoked weed,despite his suspicious movements and signature weed scent(abi na odour?). Barely two weeks after moving in with him,my worst fears were confirmed as he started bringing home his weed smoking buddies and they would occasionally roll a wrap with beans or spaghetti.

Being a curious person I always wondered what made them happy after smoking, so I decided to find out for myself (wrong move) . lt was a very hot day in february, a saturday I think it was,my friend was out as usual. I searched everywhere for his stash but couldn't find it ,so I decided to go and get mine.I arrived the weed joint all sweaty and nervous, half expecting to get mugged but nobody seemed to be aware of my presence there, they were all on different planet expect one whom I concluded must be the seller so I approached him and the following conversation ensued.
Me: how far?
Weed seller: I dey
Me: I wan buy weed
Weed seller : how many parcel
Me: parcel ke? lro oo,na just small I need
Weed seller : (laughs really hard) .bolo leleyi sha(meaning this guy is a dunce o)

Apparently,a parcel of weed is that small wrap,I didn't know that.  I thought it was something very large.  I gave him 1000 naira and in return gave me a tiny wrap of weed with white paper, I was surprised when he gave me 950 as change.  I couldn't believe weed was that cheap.

On my way home,I decided not to smoke it but mix it with beans because I thought it will be better that way ( another wrong move).

Long story short, I cooked beans and added the whole weed, ate it and called my friend, I told him "ogbeni, I just ate weed oo and nothing happened to me this one that you people will eatand be feeling funky, I don chop am oo". My friend was like," ehen you be strong man oo". l decided to take a quick nap before doing laundry, I woke up about 20 minutes later on the floor, I was banging my head on the floor, and I couldn't stop, my heart beat was so audible and
fast, everything was extra bright and extra loud. After a few minutes of head banging, I was able to get up from the floor, I felt as if I had just gained access to a part of my mind that I never knew existed previously.

lt was scary and cool at the same time. I could feel the blood flowing in my veins (you have to experience it to believe it. Though I strongly advise against it). I felt so uncomfortable in the room, it felt like I was in an oven. Suddenly, a voice in my head wisphered "ogbeni bo aso e joor" (off your clothes), I obeyed. The voice came again "oya sa re" (now run).

That was when I realized that the weed had taken effect, so I decided to take a shower to see if it will calm me down, but the water felt so hot on my skin so hot I ran out of the bathroom. I called my friend to see if he could help me make sense of what was going on but he laughed at me, he asked me the quantity of weed I took and I told him I used a whole he said "guyyyyy you don eff up! If you no sleep in the next 30mins, you go mad oo. Go chemist make you go explain yourself". By this time things had escalated, I had a severe itch at the back of my head that wouldn't go away no matter how hard I scratched and I was
convinced that the beating in my chest was an evil spirit that could only be killed with a punch.

I ran to my neighbor - Champion and told him," Champion e jo e fun mi lese laya(champion pls
punch me in the chest). ti e ba gbami lese laya mo ma ku oo (if you don't punch me I will die"
oo). He hissed and walked out having had enough of such nonsense from the boys in the
boys quarters.

The voice in my head came again - "iwo na o de gba ara e lese laya abi o ti fe ku ni" (why don't
you punch yourself in the chest or do you want to die?) I punched and punched but there wasno difference. The house was getting hotter, the voice in my head was getting louder, the itch in my head
was getting worse, and the evil spirit in my chest was getting louder. Then came the voice again -" oya ma sare lo" (start
running). So I started running but on getting outside in the sun, I felt so cold I was shivering but that didn't stop me from running (I would have given Usain Bolt a run for his money on that day). On getting to the chemist, i realized I was bare footed, I told him I had a severe headache I needed something to make me sleep
immediately. He gave me the drug and I chewed it right there in his presence. Next I asked him to give me a drug for evil spirit, that was when he realized something was wrong with me and chased me out.
I got back home and tried to sleep but my heart beat wouldn't let me, so I ran back out this time around to a nurse in the area, first thing she asked was -" kilode o wo bata ni"? (why don't you have your shoes on?)I told her "Jackie Chan ti gba bata lowo mi" (Jackie Chan collected my shoes). I was finally able to explain my situation to her and she took me in, tied something around my elbow and injected me directly in the vein. l passed out immediately only to wake around 1 or 2 am in the middle of the night with the worst kind of hunger I have ever felt in my life. I ate a whole loaf of butter field bread in one sitting without butter or tea.
I came home to a hero's welcome, my friend told me "e be like say your head no carry am but e go
better make you try am once more so you go dey use to it".
The following day while the house was empty, I packed my Ghana must go and like the prodigal son in the bible I went back home to my parents. lt's been a few years since that experience but the lesson I learnt is an unforgettable one. My curiosity hasn't gotten me in trouble again and my circle of friends have since changed.
                             Kayode.

Tags; kayode,favourmoyse, kehinde

Beautiful Doom

l want a hen(s) party with shameless debauchery(really wanna break the rules for once),I don't want my man to propose with a ring inside the ice cream or in the presence of friends and family. I hate surprises but would love one with a great stunt.So i'd prefer a proposal in the elevator,on a post it note or with candle light dinner. Yes,scented candles. It doesn't have to be ''will you marry me or be my wife '' cliche;something really unique.
When I was sixteen I wanted a man that was spiritually intoxicated, incurably romantic, come after me with the right trappings in place, financially free et al. He would be the knight in shinning armour even though I was no damsel in distress.

Few years later I have come to realize that while there is such thing as a perfect wedding,a perfect partner is a no no. Our culture is saturated with the notion that there's one perfect partner out there for everybody and to settle for anything less than perfection is to deny oneself a chance at true happiness, which is surely waiting in the wings.From the time we start dating, most of us set pictures of an idealized partner and certain criterias and we believe that once we find them, we would live happily ever after. Hence, we view relationship as something that happens to us rather than what we create by working hard on them. It assumes that once we find our intended they complete us like the missing piece of a puzzle and from then on life should be easy and effortless.

The myth of soulmate is about relationship that is blue sky forever. Always sunny and that sun pours down on us,brightens us up, lift us. In a real world relationship challenges come. The sky occassionally clouds. 

Do it yourself Christianity

I've been really into cookery books for some months now and sincerely the first two or three attempt of trying out a new recipe may not always come out well; sometimes there's too much or less of one ingredient. The first time I made pineapple juice using a do- it- yourself manual I had to consult the dictionary to check the meaning of chunky cos the manual said something like that. But with subsequent tries I became very good at it and even explored other options.

While trying to strengthen my culinary skills I've also observed a church close to my mom's shop that holds her wednesday prayers every morning. Each wednesday her members brings different items to church. It's either soap,water, handkerchief, pictures, or salt. I wasn't surprised when my mom was invited to their ' Saturday night of terror ' a monthly vigil and she was asked to come with a certain number of canes representing the number of kids she has.

Funny huh? Even though most spiritual churches are largely attended by women ( God bless mothers),I still don't subscribe to the 'items of transmission policy'. Life isn't that difficult, its simple.Do-it-yourself.  Pray,study, meditate et al. use your bible. lt is written in simple english even in your local language. Just as I have to keep trying my recipe till I got a perfect meal.You need patience and lots of faith with the bible. So if God doesn't answer you soon enough that doesn't mean you should do damage control. Your life is a gift, you have a will and choice. Do yourself a favor by choosing right.

Finally sha, na every mallam with him kettle.

Signed

June

Most Embarrassing Moments.

My most embarassing moment makes me laugh so hard when i remember it now.l went to the market o..na im wan craze man way dey awaz dance to music begin chase me around until some peeps came to my rescue. l had to stop shopping and cried throughout that day. So i decided to ask friends about theirs and here's what l got. Enjoy.

I remember wearing this six inch heels to church, it was my first time wearing shoes that high and still instead of me to respect myself and walk gently I was making yanga in front of the SUG lodge in my school. And that was how I fell yakata...worse is I couldn't get up cos my legs hurt badly..just wished the ground could swallow me - Favourmoyse

My own be say ...I da church o and i'm usually very emotional during worship time..with my eyes closed, na so I begin draw water for eyes brubru as I worshipped. Oya na worship has ended and it was time to open eyes...na so wahala start.The hair bonding glue way I take fix my fake lashes don cement my eyes I no fit come open am. worse is the glue has entered my eyes and hurts terribly. come see cinema.. proper cry started o..couldn't walk to the bathroom cos how I wan take see road,couldn't beckon to anyone that will be another crisis...na so I bend down begin da use force remove the lashes one by one..chai- Candy

My friend confidently came to me asking that she's going on a date n the guy already told her they were going to have waffles n ice cream. she wanted to know if she was meant to eat the waffles with her hands or cutlery. Not knowing at that time and have never seen waffles I told her to use fork and knife and the poor gal did. When she came back she jumped on me and pinched the hell out of me. The guy still call her waffles till date.- Victoria

In class I messed during lectures. Everybody was getting up to leave the place and when I wanted to leave too,one guy said, abeg siddon dere oo.No carry that smell come this side.Jeeeeeeezzz.I nearly perme.- Stanley.

So there was this time shit catch me for lab for sch after I chop one kind beans for buka.Mehn, when I was running to offload ,it was so obvious to everybody I was under fire. There was this time I had to pause while running coz e be don almost happen-Jeff

let's hear yours.

Follow us on twitter @dahliadona. we go follow back sharp sharp..

Next time you go spy my journal ...

signed

Gaby...

Adrift and at peace

My aunt husband has been living  in the states for over 25yrs and for once he never cared about the child she bore him. He is married now with three kids and my aunt is still hoping and praying that he would come back to his senses and say sorry. Of course she is willing to forgive him.

Someone asked me the kind of man I want to marry to which I replied "the one I won't be willing to divorce" cos if I were my aunt I would have served that dude the divorce papers 20yrs ago.

Its human to become too attached to people or things and it can be very difficult to let go of these attachments even when we know they are of no good. We all want to be happy and avoid hurts yet we consistently pin ourselves in situations that set us for pain.We pin our happiness to people, things and circumstances. We stress about the possibility of loosing them. We attach to feelings as if they define us and ironically not just positive ones.

l strongly believe that holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength.However,i've come to realize that it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it. Its no simple undertaking to let go of an attachment, not a one -time decision instead its a day to day,moment -to- moment decision. The best approach is to start simple and work your way through. Here are baby steps to letting go

1. Accept the moment; live free of regrets.
2.  Believe now is enough; tomorrow may not look thesame as today, no matter how much you try to control it.
3. Define yourself in fluid terms ; its simple.Define yourself in terms that evolve change.
4. Justify less; a dude once told me his life would suck without me#shrugs#. These kind of thoughts reinforce beliefs that are not fact, even if they feel like it.
Pain is unavoidable but you can make the best out of every situation. Learn to let go. Its hurts carrying baggages.

Sometimes you stay adrift to gain peace, joy and happiness.

Follow us on twitter @dahliadona and we will follow back.

Verbal Diarrhoea

Statuary warning ;This SHOULD be taken as an expert opinion,please DO NOT seek the advice of your health care professional.I am an expert in this field and my word is final, gospel even.Again, do not seek ths advice of your health care professional.#yay!!!!#

Synonym; squealer,blabber mouth,gasbag,energy vampire.

We all know someone who talks too much and sometimes you are like 'damn,isn't there an off button?' so we revert to monologues thinking they will get the message and just shut it. Everyone likes to be heard.There's nothing wrong with wanting people to know your opinions or feelings. However, expressing yourself could be a glitch in your character when its excessive and begins to annoy people around you or worse brings embarrassment.

It's one thing to be sociable and chatty; it's another thing to monopolize conversations over and over. When it comes to expressing yourself how much is too much?
Here are possible indicators that you are way out of line.

1.Assess your usual conversations; ask questions like who truthfully did the majority of the talking?,how often did I interrupt my friend?,did we talk about me more or my friend?

2. Pay attention to the body language of others; do people roll their eyes,tap their foot impatiently, nod their head,throw out irrelevant ''yeahs" and "uh-huhs" or even ignore you completely when you talk?

3. Do you find yourself often giving away bits of information you don't mean to?or maybe you let slip hurtful or rude opinions about other people. Note how often this happens in everyday conversations. If found guilty then its time to

fix the problem.

1. make a conscious effort to listen more and talk less.

2.Don't fill all the dead air.Pauses in conversations are another person's thinking time,some people like to think and compose their answers carefully. Don't feel you need to jump in, doing so swallows them up and throws them off their answers.

3. Avoid elaborating on a topic. learn to be precise.

4. Remember that a good conversation is a back and forth rally. If someone asks you a question about your holiday after giving a precise reply,you could in turn ask if they are planning a trip.

5. Consider the cause and effect.

6 . learn to stop interrupting people.

Don't be afraid to apologize if someone informs you either openly or subtly that you are talking too much. lndeed, it's a great chance to practice breaking the habit by shutting up there and then and listening instead.

How to make Pancakes

I made these pancakes this morning for my neighbour's kid as lunch.  Nice treat huh? Here are simple steps to make yours.

lngredients.

1 full cup flour
3 eggs
milk
onion
sugar
pinch of salt
pepper
water
vegetable oil

Procedure

* sieve flour into a bowl, add a pinch of salt.
* mix two spoons of milk and sugar in a glass of water before adding to flour.
*Add thinly chopped onions and pepper and stir with a spoon (or wooden spoon) until there is a smooth free flowing paste.
*Add the beaten eggs and stir again until well mixed.
*scoop and pour gently into a hot frying pan that has few drops of the vegetable oil in it.( tilt the pan to different directions, so! that the little oil wets the whole bottom of the pan).
*cook till golden brown.

P.S
you can add vanilla or any other flavor, take note of the consistency of the batter ....if too thick add a little water but not too much. scoop little mixture into the pan to make sure its well cooked.

Serve with pineapple juice#tongue out#

twitter handle; @dahliadona

Sweet Secret

Keeping secret is a lonely business. That's why we all search for someone to confide in. An ally who will understand, an advisor we can trust, a friend who will never judge. Of course, not everyone you tell your secrets to will be happy about it.

Juicy pieces of private info are everywhere and it seems you are always stumbling on them accidentally even when you don't mean to. Some are salacious, some are harmless, but many are more complicated and become a burden. So how do you keep a sweet secret?

1. Keep Quiet.
The first rule of keeping a secret is Don't tell. When a friend confides in you ,no matter how tempting it may be do not break your promise of silence.

2. Let them tell.
You can't always keep a secret and sometimes you shoudn't. If someone tells you a secret that is harmful to another person then its time to spill.But before you spill tell your friend about it and why you feel its necessary.

3. If you must tell ask first.
If you are privy to information someone ought to know don't automatically blab. Some people don't like to hear the truth especially if it's going to hurt.

4.Disclose,don't attack.
When you have to share a disturbing secret, frame your disclosure as a personal observation.

5.Understand privacy versus secrecy.
Other People's private business is not your story to tell- Belleghem.But telling your version of an event, what you saw,felt is your business.

6. Consider the impact.
If withholding your secret will make a someone make a bad decision then it's time to spill.

7. Shut your ears.
Sometimes its better to avoid the pressure of taking on someone else's secret.

Yes we all need help hiding the darkest truths of our lives because as soon as you have told one secret another is likely to appear.

Follow us on twitter @dahliadona

The Aluu Crowd in Us

ln the face of evil, to sit silent is an even greater evil. Complacency is ever the enabler of darkest deeds ‘―Robert Fanney .
I read a story of remarkable courage on the BBC website the other day. It was the story of
Keisha Thomas, a black teenage girl, who saved the life of a white man from a mob that was trying to lynch him on the assumption that he was a KKK member. For those of you who do not know, the Ku Klux
Klan members are white folks who believe that all blacks are inferior to them and have been responsible for the torture and
murder of many blacks. For Keisha, a black girl, to have saved this man, who most people think deserved whatever he got, is
truly an act of courage and forgiveness. As I thought about Keisha Thomas, I wondered why no one made any effort to save those unfortunate four undergraduates
we now refer to as ‘Aluu4′. It’s been over a year since their barbaric death. I remember how shocked we were (and still are) by
their gruesome death, but perhaps what shocked us even more was the indifference of the crowd that looked on while they suffered.
I haven’t watched the video and do not intend to, but from all the stories I have read, the crowd that watched the gruesome killing were far more in number than the
actual persons who committed the act. I don’t think everyone in that crowd liked what they saw. I believe some of them flinched when they heard the frantic
pleadings and groans of pain from those poor young men. I believe some of them would have loved to end the horrible drama playing out in front of them. After all some
of them had children as old as those four boys, or brothers or friends. Yet they did nothing.
Why were they so helpless? Why did mothers, fathers and other young people just look on? Well, based on some of the eyewitness accounts I have read, the ‘good’
people in the crowd were made helpless by fear. They feared they would be seen as accomplices if they dared to help, and thus
suffer the same fate. Secondly they feared they were not strong enough to challenge the men carrying out the torture. And guess what friends? The fear of
consequences and inadequacy, which paralyzed the Aluu crowd, is in all of us. It is because of these fears that many of us find it difficult to confront bad situations no matter how sad and angry we may feel about them. But can I just say that nothing great has ever been accomplished without fear? It
was Nelson Mandela who said' "courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over.it. The brave man is not he who does not feel
afraid, but he who conquers that fear. ”
I have no doubt he was speaking from experience. He knew too well the consequences that came with confronting the Apartheid government of South Africa, he also knew how limited he was in
confronting injustice, after all he was not a parliamentarian or a lawyer. But somehow he found strength to confront injustice
despite his well-founded fears. Today South Africans are so much better for it because the likes of Nelson Mandela refused to let
their fears hold them back.
Another fear which often cripples people is the fear of doing good deeds alone. It is encouraging when people support us and
appreciate us for sacrificing our time, resources and even life for a good cause. But oftentimes that is not the case. The very people we expect to understand are usually
the ones who discourage us and belittle us and our dreams. All great heroes and heroines in our history books experienced that. But what made them famous is their refusal to let others hold them back. The fear of waiting is the last fear we will look at. Most people hate waiting, especially
Nigerians. One of the reasons why we go late to occasions is because we don’t like to wait. I know because I am guilty! But I have come to realise that nothing good ever comes easy or fast. Most victories we know of did not happen overnight. The Civil Rights campaign led by Martin Luther King
Jnr did not happen in a day neither did the end of Apartheid occur in a year. As Nigerians we have dreams for our country. It is sad that fifty three years after
independence and with all the great resources we have, we are still behind many countries. Talking about our.problems will not solve it; the newspapers
have been doing that for ages. Neither will prayers alone. So why are we not doing enough? Why do we say things like “it
won’t work? It has never been done
before?” Why do we give up so easily?
I believe it is because we let our fears hold
us back. For a religious nation like ours,
isn’t it ironic that many of us fail to depend
on God to help us confront bad situations?
Or do we only call upon God and
demonstrate faith in Him when it comes to
personal blessings?
The Bible and Holy Quran are full of stories
of ordinary men and women who did
extraordinary things for their communities
because they trusted in God. These people
replaced their fears with faith in God. I
think of the story of David who was an
ordinary shepherd who had to face Goliath
the giant. He was just a youth who was not
even a soldier, whereas Goliath had been
fighting for ages. No one believed in him,
not even his brothers. What about his
weapon of choice? It was just an ordinary
sling or catapult whereas his opponent had
a spear that was longer than David! Despite his inadequacies, and other fears, David
defeated Goliath because he trusted in God.
Perhaps you are thinking this is irrelevant
to Nigeria or Africa. This next example
shows that with courage and persistence,
we can do what has never been done before.
In Botswana, four sisters aged between 68 years to 80 years, finally won the rights to inherit their deceased father’s property
after a five-year long court battle. In a conservative and patriarchal society where women rights are unknown, according to the BBC correspondent, these sisters did
something that “no-one thought was possible – they took on tradition and won.”
What made these women hold on regardless of the fears they faced? One of them, Ms Mmusi said it was “resilience and courage.” That, my dear friends is what is needed to
confront and succeed in any battle whether it is personal or for a greater good. You will face all manner of fears, but if you will
only hold on with resilience and courage and a trust in God, you will triumph over your fears and see your dreams achieved.
Some months ago I read about the tragic accident that occurred on Lagos-Benin expressway involving a fuel tanker and a
mass transit bus. Over fifty people were burnt to death: men, women and children. Like everyone I was saddened but I decided
it was time to do something about the.frequency of such accidents. But I was afraid. I didn’t feel adequate or qualified to
do the job. Here I was, a stay-at home mum, living in a foreign country and not related to any politician. I certainly didn’t
feel ‘important’ enough. What could I possibly do? How effective would my so-called online campaign be? Even my family
members discouraged me telling me not to waste my time, that no body would listen. But because I trusted God, I persisted, even
when my emails to many influential people were never acknowledged. I persisted even
when the DG of the Federal road Safety Corps didn’t reply. I was tempted to give up when people would say “didn’t we tell
you?” Finally the DG of the FRSC has started replying my emails and seems keen to listen
to suggestions. In due time, our roads will become safer.
I do not write this story to boast. Far fromit! But to encourage all of us that we can make a difference no matter how ordinary
and powerless we are. You don’t have to be old enough, rich enough, smart enough or
‘connected’ enough. Don’t let your fears hold you back from doing the right thing. If you are really determined and persistent
enough, with the help of God, you can achieve extraordinary feats.
I believe each of us was born into this generation and country for a reason. Our purpose in life should not only be to make money and live comfortable lives. We should aim to be agents of change and leave our footprints in the sands of time.To do that , each of us will have to make a choice: will you rather be like the fearful Aluu crowd or will you be like Keisha
Thomas, the Botswana sisters and others who refused to let their fears hold them back?‘Courage is being scared to death… and
saddling up anyway .’ – John Wayne .

_______________________________________________________________________________
Theresa Omoronyia is a trained business
analyst and has degrees in Management
Science and Computer Science. She lives in
Glasgow, UK with her husband and son.
Theresa enjoys being with people and her
passion is to help those who are hurting.
Please visit her blog for inspiration and
motivation at http://
thesisterskeeper.blogspot.co.uk

Tags ; bellanaija,Aluu4,Theresa omoroniya

Rush Hour

We begin our lives with a few obligations, we pledge allegiance to the flag, we swear to return the  library books, but as we get older, we make vows, we make promises, we get burdened by commitment - to tell the truth and nothing but to love and cherish till death do us part. So we just keep running up the tab until we owe everything to everybody and suddenly think.

Frustration is not the key to any door. As Barbara Johnson once wrote,
“Patience is the ability to idle your
motor when you feel like stripping your
gears.” Patience is connected to so
much of our success. Without it, many
of our goals suffer.
Patience is a simple concept, but isn’t
an easy character trait to master!
Patience involves other character traits like empathy,
impulse control and respect. It also takes time, practice and
experience.

According to economists and writers, a good education can impart
skills like patience, manners, discipline and perseverance.
A Chinese proverb says it well, “One moment of patience may ward off
great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.”
Often the best teachers are our mistakes. When we step back, we
sometimes see that our mistakes were made in haste. As Dr. Robyn
Silverman once wrote, “Patience can prevent careless mistakes. You
may be the fastest at reaping what you sow but if, in your hastiness
you forget to plant the seed, you’ll be the first one with a handful of
dirt.” If you look back on the mistakes you or others you know have
made, how do you think patience could have saved them from the
negative results they have achieved?
Here are some ways to help you gain some patience and stay
calm when life gets a little hectic:
1. Take time to take a breath: When you
are over-scheduled it can make anyone’s patience wear thin. Take a
look at the schedule and make sure that there is time to stop running.
If there isn’t, ask yourself, what can I take out of my schedule to make
room for…me?
2.  Make the time to do something unique : It doesn’t need to be
anything fancy. Pull the shades and watch a movie. Bring out the game
boards and have a me game night
3.  Ask, what’s this all about?: When things get tense and tempers
run hot, ask yourself where the frustration is coming from this time.
Is it something that can be addressed? Sometimes we get frustrated
with each other when the real problem is that we need help with a
subject in school, we’re worried about work, or we’re involved in a
conflict with a friend. When we shine high beams on the real problem,
we can better cope.
4.  Apologize: When we say something we don’t mean, we need to be
accountable for it. That means both apologizing for it and taking steps
to make it better. We need to know that simply brushing
negativity under the rug is not the answer and only creates resentment
and impatience. Accountability, on the other hand, creates
understanding and patience.
5.  Acknowledge that it’s hard: The school year can get hectic.
Running around isn’t easy but sometimes, it’s necessary. Just allowing
everyone to admit that it’s stressful and challenging can do wonders
for dispersing the anxiety and frustration that leads to impatience
6.  Find out if this is what everyone wants: Sometimes we run
around because we are doing things that are necessary and desired.
Other times, we do it because “everyone else is” or “it’s what we’ve
always done.” Stop and ask, “is this what we want?” Sometimes you’ll
find that the impatience stems from a desire to pair things down,
simplify, and slow down the pace.

Today be calm, take a deep breathe and avoid the rush hour syndrome.

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A Poem on idioms

Every Cloud has a silver lining:
I've looked up to the sky,
Counted all the clouds with a silver lining,
There are none
Not one single trace of silver in the grey.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder:
I left my heart alone,
My absence was present,
Yet...
Fonder, it did grow.

Actions speak louder than words:
I asked my actions,
In hushed tones,
How loudly they could speak.
I received no reply.

All's well,that ends well:
when my day ended well,
Nothing else seemed to be ...
All was not at ease.

All roads lead to Rome:
jumping into a taxi,
The driver asked me where to go.
Rome.
Roads don't carry overseas.

Bark is worse than one's bite :
I nipped my dog on the nose,
His bark was but a tip.
He jumped up and bit my own,
Which is now bleeding from its tip.

Beauty is only skin deep:
With this,I cannot disagree
My cat was so pretty,
But then,
I ripped off it's skin.

Beggars can't be choosers:
He begged for me to stay,
Then,chose someone else.
He was a beggar, he chose.
What's left to say?

Bird in the hand is worth two in the bush:
I found a bird,the other day.Picked him up,
In my hand he shall stay. But,oh,
I must have held too tight. In my hand, dead, he lay
There's two in the bush, still alive

Blood is thicker than water:
Have I blood?
No.
You cut me deep,
And my heart shot you ice.

The customer is always right:
At my lemonade stand,
He put one dollar in my hand.
I gave him back fifty cents,
He asked for fifty more...idiot
   
                                  Anonymous

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Passwords!!! should it be shared in a relationship.

A Michigan man was sued by his ex- wife after he read her e-mails and learned of her extra- marital affairs with her ( allegedly abusive) ex- husband. Got that? The prosecution argued that he hacked into her e-mail, he claimed that he uses the computer all the time and that she kept her passwords in a little book next to the computer. Simple click-clack of the keys and he was in.

Harmless, right? I'm not sure. I don't care if the king/Queen wants my passwords. I also feel like he shoudn't have to ask. As they say, if you go looking for trouble, you are bound to find it. In my opinion you shoudn't need my passwords because there shouldn't be anything you need to verify.  You should be able to ask me a question and expect that I will answer you honestly.  If you don't trust my response then in my opinion that is the real issue.

Some people say your wife/husband or family should know your password so they can access your account incase of untimely death, to which my response is "like HELL they do". If I've passed away, I can think of absolutely no good that will come from you having access to my various accounts. Infact, if I unexpectedtedly pass away, just throw my laptop in the deepest part of the pacific ocean.

So what are your thoughts? Do you have access to your significant other's social media accounts? Do they have access to yours? Why or why not? Does not providing your password automatically mean you're hiding something?

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Arguments ; is it a natural part of relationship?

Can you genuinely remove argument from a relationship or do you believe its a natural part of a healthy relationship? What happens if you find arguing detrimental but your partner doesn't?  what's the difference between an argument and a debate?

I've been in relationships were we never argued and l've been in relationships were we argued all the time. However, neither relationship was relatively better than the other. Sometimes the relationship I was in were we never argued might have benefited from us putting facts on the table even though it made us uncomfortable.
Conversely, in the relationship were we always argued,there were times when we would make petty arguments into grand stand,because we were trying to gain ground based on an important argument we lost days,weeks and sometimes months.

At times, we were immature and petty, but there were few times where we held back our feelings. obviously a balance is best, but biting your tongue to maintain peace is often no better than getting everything out of your system in the present in order to have peace in the future.

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Is being faithful hard?

Its typical for most of us to talk about relationship issues but i've come to realize that no single relationship topic is groundbreaking but there are stuffs we think about and don't like to discuss because the conversation is usually uncomfortable. One of these question is - is being faithful hard?

Have you asked your partner if they've always been faithful or their thoughts on cheating? For clarity l'm not only talking about physical encounters as most people will think. However, most infidelities don't leap to the physical point. So what about all those missteps you took on your way there.

What about all those indiscretion you ignored,overlooked, or somehow excused until the inevitable? You know the type: the extra Dm on twitter,the inappropriate 'Like' on a facebook picture you had no business viewing in the first place, or the "hey,how have you been?" message to an ex even though you are in a new relationship.Then there is reality; the extra flirtatious laugh,touch or suggestion you give or overlook from a person of interest.

You know your respective statuses so instead you entice each other playfully at first until that invisible line between flirtatiously innocent suggestions and outright deceitful actions blurs beyond recognitionn What then?

When I posed the question to my friends, most of them responded that being faithful is easy.  This is an interesting theory. So are those who are faithful relatively stronger than those who are not? If yes, what makes them so strong? Is it a strong moral resolve? code? ethics? or is once a cheated always a cheated true? I think it is important to identify the true cause in order to successfully address the issue rather than make blanket and dismissive statement.

Further,it may help to determine is it harder to be faithful than it is to cheat? Do men or women have it harder or easier? Is cheating more about avoiding situations that can lead to infidelity or having the strength to resist all opportunities real or imagined?

Fashion Commandments

1. Thou shall reveal skin within reason ; whether you bare it all or leave some to the imagination. It can lessen your worth; so keep it cool, keep it classy. keep it simple. cover up.

2. Thou shall pay attention to detail: Accessories can make or break an outfit. killer heels,a statement necklace, red lipstick, those three items can turn the simplest look into Hollywood royalty.

3. Thou shall experiment : it's always good to discover what works for your body shape and height.

4. Thou shall not fall prey to trends: just because leopard print might be all the rage one season, doesn't mean a leopard print jumpsuit will necessarily be for you. keep it minimal.

5. Thou shall have a signature piece : it might be the high bun right at the crown of your head like bubu of lamlsigo or the flawless make up of Cindy Akpuru. Have a piece that defines you.

6. Thou shall have a consolidated look:just because gladiator sandals look good on their own,doesn't mean they won't channel ghetto fabolous when paired with harem pants. Examine the individual pieces, consider them together, accessorize and finally, evaluate the consolidated look in a full length mirror

7.Thou shall reinvent: creativity is the key to reinvention. just because a dress is a dress today doesn't mean it can't be a blouse or skirt tomorrow.  switch things up a bit.

8.Thou shall care for thine clothes : Read the labels. If the directions read dry clean, dry clean. If it reads hand wash, hand- wash. It really isn't rocket science.

9. Thou shall keep it simple : simplicity is the ultimate elegance.  Everything in moderation.

10. Thou shall always wear a smile : you don't need to be Julia Roberts to pull off a smile. Dressed up or down, suited for the occasion or not, a smile seals the deal with any outfit and always edges a confidence boost.

Now that you've got the scoop on the fashion commandments, strut forth and stun.

Bragging Rights

I resent religion. Those that practice it feel they are the scepter of God's judgment and makes christianity excrutiatingly difficult. its like a thin person going on a diet.

I believe Jesus came to abolish religion. I mean if religion is so great why has it started so many wars? build huge churches but forget to feed the poor, tell single moms God doesn't love them cos they got a divorce. Religion might preach grace but they ridicule God's people. Its like spraying perfume on a casket or would I say a behaviour modification like a long list of chores.

The church is an ocean were people come to draw the water of grace.Its not a museum for good people its an hospital for the broken. It means you don't have to hide your failures and sins cos it doesn't depend on you but him.

Christianity and religion are on opposite spectrum. One is the work of God the other is a man made invention, one is the cure the other the infection, one says do, the other says done. Christianity calls you a son, sets you free and makes you see whereas religion calls you a slave, keeps you in bondage and makes you blind.Religion is man searching for God,christianity is God searching for man.

I love the church, I love the bible and yes I believe in sin but the son of God never supported self righteousness not now not then.

So what's your take? religion or christianity?

What if's

"The baby you have is the baby you were destined to have, it was meant to be". That's what the adoption agency tells you. I like to think its true, but everything else in the world seems so completely random. What if one little thing I said or did made it all fall apart? what if I choose another life for myself or another person? what if I've been raised differently?  what if my mum has never been sick? what if, what if, what if?

Many times we find ourselves wishing for a second chance, longing to stop time, to start anew,or wondering what might have happened if we would have said yes instead of no. The problem with these daydreams is that life does not hand us a restart button.

To win at business or life, adversity has to be encountered,faced,fought and defeated.There is no other way.No options. You either beat it, or it beats you.Win,or you lose. Simple right? No.never.It's never black or white. Never Win or lose. Something always bleed over. Something good or bad,funny or sad and sometimes its a blend of both.

Some folks say they will prefer a life of "oh wells" to "what if's". The thing is live life to the fullest. Let go of the "what if's". Don't lick your wounds celebrate them, the scars you bear are signs of a competitor.

Your life is a gift accept it. No matter how screwed up or painful it seems to be.Somethings are gonna work out like they were destined to be.

Awesome Bible Wazobia

      I love Naija..apart from its rich culture we have lots of raw talent and individuals interested in taking this nation to the next level.
      Recently one of the telecommunications companies specifically mtn created a platform for nigerians to get creative by developing computer programs that will be beneficial to its citizens. So these dudes sent me a link which I think its a wow idea. They came up with the WaZoBia version of the Bible. Here you have the pidgin english, Igbo,Yoruba and hausa version of the bible.
      Yay!!! peeps hit the link below and start download.

http://www.biblewazobia.appspot.com
http://nextapps.mtnonline.com/app/details/id/32100

   

Equilibrium

There comes a point in your life when you are officially an adult. Suddenly you are old enough to vote,drink and engage in other adult activities. Suddenly people expect you to be responsible. As grown-ups we get taller, we get older,but do ever really grow up?Imagine you coming back from work, someone told you that all of the old traffic laws had changed forever: Red no longer meant stop and green no longer meant go. In fact, all of the signs that used to guide you were no longer valid. The old laws were gone but the new laws were yet to be written.

How would you feel and what would you think as you set out for home? Often, change happens just like that. It’s sudden, it’s quick and it disrupts our equilibrium. Whether it’s the unforeseen sale
of a company, the sudden loss of a job or the unexpected loss of a loved one, the world you once knew is gone, and it’s difficult to know whatsoever to do next. It’s frightening, because one
way we survive is by being able to predict our environment and acting accordingly. When
predictability disappears, so too does our sense of safety.
In this way, change can trigger our most basic surival instincts, and even when physical survival is not an issue, it can feel as if it is
whenever things change. This is why change is so difficult

Our known existence, whether we
liked it or not, is replaced by an unknown one,and we become fearful and disoriented, not
knowing where to turn next to find the comfort and safety we seek. Here are four tips for dealing with sudden change.

1.whatever you feel is ok. change may stir up a host of emotions, including sadness, fear and anger. There are no rules on what anyone
should feel, but everyone should feel something. If not, then emotions may be lurking beneath the surface of one’s awareness and make their presence known at the worst possible moment, perhaps emerging as an unintended sharp word or fit of anger.

2.Mourn first, then move on. In a similar vein, it’s important to mourn and move on when unwanted change hits, and in that order.

3. Demand perfect effort, not perfect results. Often, change comes in bursts, as one change
begets another. This can feel overwhelming,especially to those who weren’t involved in planning the change or otherwise didn’t see it coming. To them, change can feel particularly risky or threatening. To help reduce anxiety,leaders should demand maximum effort in
response to the change, but not perfect results. Not all of your change initiatives will turnout exactly as planned.

4. Break long-term change down into doable chunks.

In some ways we grow up, we have families,we get married, we get divorced.  But for the most part we still have thesame problems that we did when we were 15. No matter how much we get taller, grow older, we are still forever stumbling,forever wondering, forever young.

The Poverty Advantage

I asked a friend what day of the week was his favourite and he replied 'payday'.They say money can't buy happiness. l've met poor men who wanted to be rich but not a rich man who wanted to be poor. I read the holy book often but never seen where it was written be "poor and happy".

Money is the root of all evil but wasn't it created by people? Because if a farmer plants a seed and waters it he sure would take responsibility for its growth.# would you then not agree that you reap what you sow#

Money can't buy happiness neither can poverty.The shopkeeper smiles at the customer cos he sees an opportunity for a payment. Have you considered the homeless man, beggars, those stuck with hospital bills, and tax money...that man!!! is money the root of his problems or his problems the lack of it? Don't confuse me to be naive and believe that my life would be better because I can now afford a pair of jeans with levi sticks in its back pocket .Nah..neither should human need be confused with greed.

People go to war over oil cos they want more, people kill the love because they feel its not enough, anything...people do things for anything but money is innocent in all of these. My verdict is that you can only judge the money if the way it was earned or used is dishonest. You know the preachers tells us we didn't need to be rich and money shouldn't be our trouble but as he steps down from his pulpit he adjusts the rolex on his wrist and steps into his bmw.# hu- huh#

Money is the medium by which earthly success is measures or success is measured by how many people you bless.Money can' t buy you love but don't you love those around you that you want to cater for their needs. Am not advocating love and money because only a fool will love an object to the original person.

Bottomline is learn to make it work for you cos at the end of the day even Micheal went broke. Like I said its only my view and I will tell you the other side when I get rich.

P.s just so you know....poverty has no advantage.. except you wanna tell me.

Ripples

We are born, we live, we die, sometimes not necessarily in that order. We put things to rest to have them rise again. So if death is not the end, what can you count on anymore? Because you sure can't count on anything in life. Life is the most fragile, unstable, unpredictable thing there is. Infact there's only one thing in life we can be sure of- our choice.

Every choice we make brings us further to the health, relationship and life we want.Every choice we make gives us a new opportunity to learn, grow and evolve or stay stagnant, small and stuck. Every choice we make opens the door to a new way of thinking, acting and behaving or pulls us further into an old belief system,pattern or way of living that no longer serves us. We either choose to stay behind or move forward. We make hundreds of choices, either what to eat, wear,how to relate to those around us, care for our body, nurture ourselves and so much more.

For most of us, many of these choices are habitual we fail to recognize them anymore thus we don't even know we make them. We enter the world alone, we leave it alone, and whatever happens in between we owe it to ourselves to find a little company. We need help, we need support. Otherwise, we are in it all by ourselves.Strangers cut off from each other and we forget just how connected we are. So instead we choose love, we choose life.

Choices; they are like RIPPLES.

Silly Breaks 2

Exams are society's method of telling you what you're worth but you can't let society tell you what you are. It' s thesame society that tells you abortion is wrong but then  looks down on teenage parents, with pastors that preach charity but owns private jets, a mosque that preach against greed but fight, government that preach peace but endorse wars, that say they believe so much in the importance of higher education and favour learning but increase tuition fees and allows students go on strike

Test us with TESTS but the FINALS are never final cos they never prepare us for the biggest test which is survival. And though my opinion might be unorthodox, I do not expect everyone to agree with my viewpoint except for the kid who knows what it feels like to be worth no more than that 'A' or 'D' that you get on results day and those ones whose best stories were not good enough for that essay competition/teachers/ lecturers cos apparently you missed out key writing techniques, did not follow the clause plan and the language was too informal for him to understand. But then he reference Hamlet or Macbeth and you fight the urge to express your contempt by partially clenching your fist with only your thumb protruding in the middle of your hand and wonder if he's aware that shakespeare is known as the innovator of slangs. This is to the kid at the back of the class who feels why must I study something that doesn't fuel my desire but when confronted with a maths problem his eyes come alive.

So this one is for my generation, the ones who found what their were looking for on google, followed their dreams on twitter, accept their destinies on facebook, failures and drop- outs, unemployed graduates,shop assistants, cashiers,cleaners, my self employed entrepreneurs,world changers and dream chasers cos the purpose of why I hate school but love education is to let you know that whether 72 or 80,44 or 68. We will not let exam results decide our fate.

Silly Breaks

Somewhere in the world there is a kid finishing parents evening in the heat of discussion with his mother saying why does he have to study subjects he will never ever use in his life and she will look at him blank- faced think for a while and then lie " you know to get a good job, you need a good degree and these subjects will help you; we never had this opportunity when I was younger" and he would reply " but you were young a long time ago!!! weren't you mom? Although she knows what he implies made sense that society's needs would have changed since she was sixteen. But she would ignore him, rip his hand more sternly and drag him to the car. What she doesn't know is she didn't ignore him just to shut him up, nor because there were just returning from parents evening and an argument in the hallway wouldn't look good on her resume, neither because she just spent the past hour convincing a stone-faced teacher that she would ensure her child studies more at home.

No, she would lie simply because she doesn't know any better herself. Although, her whole adult life she has never used or applied pythagoras theorem, and still does not know the value of 'x'. She would rely on society to tell her that her child who has one of the sharpest minds in school is hyperactive, unfocused, easily distracted and wayward.

Students!!! How many times did you remember something five minutes to the end of exam only to receive your result one month later and realize that you were one mark off the top grade, does that mean that remembering five minutes earlier would have made you more qualified for a particular job? We all have different abilities,thought processes, experience and genes. So why is a class full of these individuals tested by the same means?
controversial huh? tomorrow we continue ..drop your comments.

Catching the Bouquet

You know what they say about catching the bouquet?  You will be the next to say " I do". Kate caught the bouquet when we went for a wedding and that was the beginning of never ending wedding plans that her friends including me had to put up with.

Her wedding dress must be from Vera Wang, the ring has to be diamond bearing her birthstone, he must be incurably romantic, go after her with they right trappings in place, extremely financially stable and bla bla bla. Sometimes we wondered where she got all the criterias. She was determined to walk the aisle before any of us and she did but not with a Vera Wang's dress.

She met this charmer at the mall. Yes he was handsome,generous with gifts and cash, drives a posh car, maybe comfortable and very good with words. My friend didn't get married till she had her second child and alas the Mr perfect already had three baby mamas.  She was the lucky one to wear the ring ( certainly not diamond).

My friends and I had screamed BETRAYAL!!! men are liars but what if my friend wasn't so cut up with the illusion of a perfect wedding and man,what if she was patient and wasn't focused on the money and romance. For me, I think real life begins were romance novel ends.

Patience is indeed a virtue.

Love Me Jeje,Love Me Tender

No longer ease!!! Asuu which way? Albeit, the strike continues and  am having fun with social networks which, by the way l'm addicted to.

While shopping within the week l  kinda ducked into the ladies in a bid to avoid someone; unfortunately I eavesdropped into another cupcake's conversation. She was asking her friend what should be the ideal gift from her finance to her on the big day and I impulsively blurted 2013 Rolls- Royce Ghost by Vorsteiner#gasps#.
The ladies demanded to know why*oops * so I said

1. I will so love his mum she will know JESUS is real. I will visit her once a week whether she leaves near or far, if she ask me to go a yard I will take a mile,if she asks me to jump I will ask how far,she will be my Godmother,role model and prayer partner.

2. Because I am princess# cos my father is the king of kings#; you see  I'm meant to ride a carriage and walk on red carpet with my entourage but am willing to give all these away just for a little price - the car.

3. He is my Tomato - Jos... You see very soon am gonna be doing the wifey job and since dere's no specific salary for that job. I decided to use this as a start up capital for the job.

4. Finally because he loves JESUS; Yes he that giveth to the poor lendeth to the lord, and God loves a cheerful giver. So when I get my Rolls- Royce, the lord God will reward him a thousand fold.
After giving these reasons to the ladies I fled...just as I'm doing now....xoxo

Signed

Gaby

Six Questions For The Constantly Broke.

If you find yourself nervously checking your balance before payday, then perhaps its time to make some changes. Before you do, ask yourself the following questions.

1. Do I know where my money is going?
   Most of us don't bother tracking how we're spending money. Sometimes we don't realize our grocery expenses or utility bills have suddenly  skyrocketed. Using an online personal financial management tool to automatically track  your spending - www.Mint.com and www.wesabe.com. allows you to figure out where money is going with minimal effort.

2. Am I focusing too much on the month, instead of the year?
  Research suggests that people often fall victim to forgetfulness when budgeting bypass the month. They tend to overlook unexpected and one- time expenses such as car repairs or gifts. But when people budget by the year,they tend to factor in those costs.

3.Do I do something everyday that wastes money?
It might be a cab ride, lunches, or a six pack of beer.These type of small, daily expenditures add up, and by the end of the month, you could be out $100 or more.

4. Do I know my weakness?
Almost everyone has one. It might be recharge cards, fancy jeans ,or nice dinners. Perhaps it's simply buying more than you need when your are out running errands. Take a ' loyal friend with you on shopping trips to remind you not to overspend or carry a stop watch with you on shopping trips.

5. Am I saving too much?
This might sound counter- intuitive. But if you are going into debt to fund your lifestyle and you've already cut back wherever possible, then it's time to look at how much money you are funneling into your 401k.

6. Is my relationship hurting my bank account?
    Even if you' re on top of your finances, your bank account won't reflect it unless your significant other is also on board. If you share credit, in the form of credit cards, auto loans or rents, then your late payment from your partner can also ding into your own credit report. Marriage can intertwine your financial lives even further. Before tying the knot, be sure to review each other's credit histories, talk about whether you prefer joint or seperate accounts, and make sure you are familiar with each other's long term financial goals.

Shaving Tips For Men

1.Wash With Soap Before Shaving.
  Wash with bathing soap before shaving-this will open pores for a closer shave and it will remove impurities that can cause clogging or infection.

2. Use a Sharp Blade
  Discard shaving blades after two or three uses.And don't put too much pressure on the blade while shaving( use gentle strokes).

3. Use a Face Scrub
  A gentle scrubbing massage will help you will help open pores, prime follicles and raise stubs for a closer shave.This exfoliation removes dead cells and impurities that can cause acne,ingrown hairs and infection. It will also smooth and renew your complexion.

4. Avoid Irritants
   They can damage your skin and create microscopic swelling. So,stay away from alcohol or strong plant extracts such as menthol, peppermint or citrus.

Crazy Love

TED talks are my favorite anyday. Few days ago I listened to Leslie Morgan recounts her experience of domestic abuse plus october is domestic violence awareness month. When you encounter victims of domestic violence you can't help but ask why she choose to stay? At what point should you let go of an abusive relationship?

Domestic violence happens to everyone irrespective of the race, income, religion or social status. Domestic violence happens only in intimate, interdependent, long term relationship. In other words in the family;the last place we would expect violence,which is one reason it is very confusing. According to statistics 15 million children are abused every year, 85% of abusers are men and women between the ages of 16-24 are three times more likely to be domestic violence victims than women of other ages and over 500 of these women are killed every year by abusive partners.         

Why do women stay in relationships that are emotionally draining?  How come some don't even know there are abused? When love is involved the distinction becomes somewhat blurry...it becomes very easy to have faith ...but what if letting go is all the deliverance you need?Domestic violence has its pattern which includes;

1.Seduce and Charm the Victim.
   This can be done by creating the illusion that she's the dominant partner in the relationship ,idolizing her, creating a magical atmosphere of trust even if it means revealing his deepest secret.

2. Isolate the Victim
    You move to another apartment, he tells you to keep away from friends, dictate your movements, prevents you from going to work,  and in extreme cases might even cut you off completely from family.

3. Introduce the threat of violence and see how she reacts.
Leslie Morgan's husband had three guns. He kept one in the glove compartment of the car, another in his pocket, and the other under the pillow. Scary huh? Amazingly, she never knew she was abused. She thought she was a strong woman married to a deeply troubled man, hence was the only one that could help him face his demons#SMH#.

The truth is it is incredibly dangerous to leave an abuser because the final step in domestic violence battering 'is kill her. Over 70% of domestic violence murders happen after the victim has ended the relationship because then the  abuser has nothing left to lose. Other possible outcomes include long term stalking even after the abuser remarries, denial of financial resources and manipulation of the family court system to terrify the victim. 

Now what do you do when abused? Break the silence. Abuse thrives only in silence, shine a spotlight on it.Tell everyone, the police, friends, neighbors, and family. Seek help,keep a journal of events, build a support system ( get a therapist) ,realize that you deserve healthy, happy relationship,and lastly empower yourself with new skills,knowledge and creativity. Do not give up control over things you can do for yourself. Abuse could be affecting your daughter, sister, your best friend right now and you might call it CRAZY LOVE!!!

The fourth Idiot

 All is well… All is well…All is well is a popular slang from a Bollywood movie’ 3 idiots’. if you have  seen the movie you would discover one of the actors committed suicide*picture above plus exactly why I titled the caption ‘the fourth idiot’*. It was Sylvia Plath that said ‘ I love my rejection slips, they show me I try’

Take a stroll round the walls of history and study the patriachs of time, and you will find mistakes, regrets and joys. Life is full of hiccups, you need a strong spirit to overcome. You might never get a trophy for fulfilling your dreams but you would have succeeded in fulfilling purpose. People love to quote how many times Harry Potter was rejected, Edison failed, how many times the Beatles were jumped over, how many times Micheal  Jordan didn’t make his high school basketball team et al. These stories give us hope that we can achieve greatness despite several set-backs. The key ingredient is a ‘P’ word. Persistence, no not Pizza. When your song becomes the first on the top ten list, and your book becomes no 1 best seller or you appear on Forbes list as the most influential or powerful person on Earth, they don’t remember the countless night of endless rehearsals, the albums you remixed, the studio heat, the stage fright, the fears, the endless hours of waiting, the times you edited your work severally. No, that’s not an overnight success.

It’s a commonly stated rule of the thumb that it takes ’10,000 hours to master a skill’ if that doesn’t require persistence*shrugs* I don’t know what else does. In a world that is afforded seemingly less time to accomplish more tasks there remains one constant; we still have the same amount of time.

Persistence is not unique to anyone, it is a quality that can be learned. Today, our thoughts compete with the thoughts of many. Each day our thoughts are stolen from us, our attention stolen by messages from loved ones, advertising, phone calls, emergency and so much more. This makes it difficult to persist in anything when a lot that are part of the rich soup of life demands for attention with so much urgency it becomes annoying. In life shortcuts are very appealing. Yet throughout time persistence has proved very undisputed in achieving success. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of uneducated derelicts. The slogan press on is still of great relevance.

So, It’s happened several times, you get a job, an appointment, a project etc. Then you start out with plenty enthusiasm. In a rush of energy, we believe we can conquer the world. However, as the everyday grind of working on our dream sets in, we find the ice-cream soda starting to lose its frizz, the ball its bounce and the perfume its fragrance, long hours at the laptop sometimes, having to give up social outings but you’ve got to push harder cos sometimes in life you don’t need a rainmaker* you fill in that positon*. The ‘P’ word!!! means never say never.  Yes, in life you might just have to be your rainmaker. Cheerio

Fatherhood;an wholesome duty

In the movie "courageous "four fathers protect and serve their community with great confidence and focus but when faced at the end of the day with their biggest challenge " fatherhood " they turned yellow.

There is an epidemic going on in society, and it can be summed up in one word - fatherlessness. So many boys grow up to be men who lack an understanding of what it really means to be a man because they were never shown how. Children need their fathers and when men neglect their role as caretakers, leaders, providers and co-labourers with the mothers of their children, it causes a serious deficiency in a child's development. Fathers are the foundation of the family itself and essential for generational continuity.  Without them, the family structure suffers resulting in a variety of problems.

Fatherlessness impacts how societies operate. Children who grew up without their fathers or a significant male figure often end up seeking fatherly approval in their relationships. For boys who grew up with an absent father, the impact can greatly affect the path they choose in life. Facts and impacts of children who have no father figure in their life have been given as:
1. Children who were being raised without fathers have 5 times probability of being poor.
2. Babies mortality rate who were born by an unmarried mother is 1.8 times higher than the married mother.
3. Teens raised without fathers has bigger probability to be involved in crime.
4. Teenagers raised by mothers have higher risk to involve in pre- marital sex.
5. Living with a single parent has doubled the risk of children to suffer from physical and emotional under development rather than those who live with both parents.

Fatherhood is not a choice for man; it is inherent.A man carries the seed from which all life comes, and whether he has a child or not he will always have the built- in- need to father someone. The only way you can effectively destroy a building is by wrecking its foundation, and the foundation of mankind is the male- man
So if the foundation is faulty, the rest of the house will come tumbling down.

It was Charles Wadsworth that said "by the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he is wrong.

Finally the best example you can get as a father is from God. Have a splendid day y'all

A Hole in the Sidewalk

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk .
I fall in.
I am lost ...I am helpless

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place
But, isn't my fault
It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

Extracted from The 7 habits of highly effective teens by sean covey.